Just Haven't Met You Yet

2010-04-12T20:42:00.000+08:00

http://lettheworldwait.tumblr.com/

MOVE LA!

i feel fine.

2010-04-11T00:26:00.000+08:00

i feel fine.

frankly, "fine" isnt really how i should feel. but surprisingly, i feel fine.

guess meeting the txy SPH helped a lot. well sitting there, showing my photos helped. i guess when it comes to photography, i'm quite confident about it. which is great. even if i have lots to try and improve on.

well had good feedback from the full time journalist. glad to get positive feedback. thanks jia yin.

dsi xl! hello!

hopefully poly will be smooth sailing. it cant be that bad, right? my good friends are surviving.

prayers.

great dinner with family today :D

fml.

2010-04-06T20:04:00.001+08:00

fml.

face it, i'm the last teenager on earth to say it. or to even say it.

and whats with this thing whereby teenagers have to say it one way or another during the times of their lives.

apparently thats what i noted after coming back from my job hiatus.

i swear to god, talking about how work fills my life really paints me as a very weird person. who will really love their job? its rare. i did.

but its causes there's a job with awesome people, photography becoming a fulfillment. and going out with friends actually feels more balanced and doesnt happen too often to make things "wait, already asked them out".

stupid country that emphasises on the need of a college/diploma education. if not for that i would had continued on working. but opps, that means NS for 2 freaking years if i dont go to school and when i'm back i'll so out of touch with work.

fuck this when i'm perfectly comfortable with my work life.

well now things feel really stuck. cause i cant seem to finish novels, movies and video games without wanting to fast forward while expecting them to give me that "I LOVE LIFE NOW cause i found new perspective and meaning" kind of epiphany. and at the back of my head is me seeing myself getting thrown into poly, ns, uni and being filtered down to nothing. when it all contradicts cause i just wanna stay still and not go to poly and get eaten up.

okay, shallow ranting.

but thats cause my friends seems to be PMS-ing at the same time. some cause of horrible block test results, some are sick of life, some are ranting how poly break is gonna be over and whatnot.

well nothing satisfies me for long now. i cant immerse in anything. nothing lasts, just like magic time. oh so blue, but so quickly swept away.

ugh stupid emo post which i have never posted for years. thought i was done with negativity and moving on to positivity. just hate it when i'm not productive. its like Sims 3, the sims getting pissed when they do nothing when they have the workaholic trait. stuck inside.

moving on. and fml, for now.

so much more to say but i rather not. gosh, school reopening, a good thing or not.

and oh, i think i finally have my shot at love with the phone numbers and all. thanks yesterday night. but only to figure maybe you aint the right one. and maybe your life is something i cant comprehend and be fully supportive of. and whatnot and whatnot.

i cant believe i watched lizzie mcguire movie for inspiration. kinda did? the song?

teenage angst. annoying.

drawing the lines for definitions .

2010-04-05T02:26:00.004+08:00

drawing the lines for definitions.

when it comes to life, i guess i cant have a pure distinction on things. things have its shades and i cant see one thing as a definite form. a friend can only be there for passive times and maybe not forever throughout. he/she may be supportive 24/7 for regular basis situations but not during tough tension moments.

i guess thats what i have learnt today.

as much as i love spending time with people around me, you cant expect them to be there forever and for every situation even if they are just right beside you. intentions may not be there.

anyway

somethingg i will never expect:

oversleeeping and missing the time to meet a friend. GOSH. this has never happened before. guess a first time for everything. gosh the panic, terror and disappointment was actually (surprisingly) more than the-almost-late-for-school-feeling.

so, SORRY SUSU and kristen bell (heart sign)!

aww i could really use the love in our hearts feeling from when in rome since love life counts ZERO now. but oh well. it was nice catching up with susu. mjc is always super fun sounding. you'll never encounter such stuff in yj. and also, susu singing BABY BABY was so annoying that it was in my head during work. justin whatever beaver.

su is always judging. tsk tsk. see her facial expressions! oblivious to her judging tendencies.

AND i think we are very different in thinking! when her friend lost a lover pair kind of item, her thought was to steal from the guy and make him think he lost the item too and wont be mad. while my logical train of thought is to simply replace the item.

and talking about the alternative lifestyle, a bit of work and whatnot. i guess after expressing all these stuff, it makes me want a 24/7 person there to meet after work and talk about such stuff. a lover, by definition. friends cant possibly be there to hear rants all the time. not really what lovers might do, but close enough in terms of dedication. yet no one can be there forever.

right now, after ending work and all, there's this hollowness which i really want to find that one kind of person to share with and know i can trust and wont be worried about them adding more to the chasm by disappearing suddenly. well one thing about that. another thing to draw the line and rely on one self.

one thing about today: NOTHING went as planned.

like for gym. her laang nose-bleed suddenly. felt the strong inclination to get him to stop and go home. BUT it was still damn nice to catch up with him. in a way, with weekly meet ups, it makes punctuating life that much easier. rather than running with no stop, losing control of thoughts. good to have some one to reflect thoughts with.

WELL good luck to both of us in finding love love love.

nose bleed? what "too heaty"? bet its cause of some gym girl.

good to see him again though.

event was well tough. didnt really meet nice people. gave me a damn hard time. throwing a horrible tone at me. and when i give the frustrated and confused look, they went "dont give me that look" when they were the one lashing words at me and giving me the exact same look. which btw mine was really toned down cause i was starting to cry, i didnt even start my provoking tone that i used to be unable to control. so you expect me to smile dumbly at you. i was trying so hard to get through to you two too. who the hell started the horrible what-you-want-and-what-is-wrong-with-you tone.

i guess i traded provoking for vulnerability. which is much better i guess since i avoid conflict and move on without much aftermath having to drag bigger people in. much improvements thanks to lorraine's words that she said to me months ago about working with people in the service sector. they can either make things easier or much more difficult which is unnecessary.

so tired of the forced smile in the difficult world of service sector. just cause you are having difficulties on your part running the show, doesnt mean you can pull other people down when they are trying to work and setting up. at the end of the day, i'm still just a very small inexperienced kid. too easily swayed by the things around me. you dont pay me, i dont know you, you have no right to vent anger on me.

dont go saying you are part of the team when you are not and making me waste my time talking to you. and end up scolding me.

well worse of all, people who i spoke highly off didnt interfere and help. i guess they didnt hear whats going on and just peeked at the scene. and they didnt catch my plead for help when i was giving the i'm-frustrated-and-gonna-cry-look-please-come-and-help-me and looked away? i'm not too sure, was so vexed and controlling tears to give hope on them coming and ask whats wrong.

and sometimes, i dont know what they expect of me. they ask me to put the router up high for signal. so i said i'm gonna get a chair thats only 4 meters away. and they said its not necessary when i cant reach that high. and give the what-are-you-thinking kind of feel.

cant people let me try and do things my way. its not like i wont ask for help when things fail.

learnt one thing. fight your own fights. dont bother looking around for help. no one's coming. even if they are super nice 24/7 on a regular situation. not everybody will go all out. dont be surprise when people stop and stare or be oblivious. and dont literally fight, just smile and move on. let them know that NOTHING they are doing is gonna get to me. and be diplomatic.

super glad that the tears didnt last long and i was forcing a good convincing smile when giving photos. just that voice was super shaky. which just sounds like i'm tired.

so glad that its over.

also, it doesnt seem acceptable to cry and be vulnerable. cause when you have that moment, you may slip into something deeper. and the whole big bad world aint gonna loosen itself just cause poor jarratt is gonna cry and be small.

fuck.

life has to continue going on.

guest starring.

2010-04-01T23:41:00.003+08:00

guest starring.

well its finally over yesterday and maybe if you count today.

If things don't end, then how do you tell that its getting good. so to new beginnings. a guest star leaves the stage.

this internship was life changing. i'm more confident. without it, i wont feel so good about the long breaks while waiting for poly to start. and i wont have a purpose in photography and my social skills would had been poorer.

there were times i was so pissed or demoralised that i felt the company wasnt the place for me. sometimes i felt like i'm right at home. its an up and down thing. but i'm just glad to be accepted in the end.

i will miss everybody cause they have been really nice to me. and i hope i will still see them through part time jobs, random studio and outdoor shoots and whatnot.

they taught me so much.

today, i felt a sense of finale tone. i guess some feelings dont just go away. i KIV-ed it during the internship and i was reminded of it again when i saw the faces. i guess i saw perfection and cant get what i want. which is just too bad. i guess i finally felt that i wont be able to see you ever again, least not that much. lost chances and possibilities.

and amongst other meaningless things. so i guess its too bad that we are just friends and lesser. at least thats what i think it would be to you.

nothing worth dwelling into this. move on and block out those feelings. best not to acknowledge too much of it or it'll feed on me.

so yeah, long story cut short, mixed feelings. withdrawing from it may be tough. but i gotta move on. in a way, everything fell into place. and dear God, i'm grateful for that. thanks :)

final laughs with the people for now. hopefully more to come.

dinner with yz yd ad. sometimes i feel that the efforts arent worth it cause of lack of enthu and disagreements. but at the end of it, it always seem worth it. glad to spend time with them today. walked by clarke quay, just like how i hoped for when hanging out at there last week at enthusiast photography class.

on another note, damn glad to work with chris for yesterday's event. last full time event, glad to spend it with him. good laughs. good to know him better. what a weirdo. :D

thanks guys for the elmo! i'll hug the fat elmo and think of you guys.

secured with what i have.

2010-03-19T02:55:00.001+08:00

secured with what i have.

its a big big big world and i miss you much. i should know better than to listen to sad songs about how big the world is and how lost one can get. but i guess times like this, it isnt that bad to accept the hollow feeling and take a quick dip into the water.

well many things have happened since i last blogged. and its a crime to scan through them. but i guess all i can focus now on is what i feel now?

one of the highlight would be meeting nicole for a quick PS3 day! super fun. especially the whole sabotaging each other in Bomberman and to find ourselves both trapped by our bombs. it was fun running through games with her. gosh i miss Folklore. i guess she's real lucky to have friends in poly that respect her and wont force her to do things she doesnt want to do and just live her life. hopefully thats the way for me too.

gym with her laang was on a quick MIA for a while cause of busy schedule. get to see him recently. was good. quick catchup. which i quite appreciate the brief free time i have before events on weekends. even though i'm so darn tried and wanna sleep more. still glad to spend time with him.

in these few short days, things happened. i learnt a lot more. witnessed a lot more. tried new things. on the surface my hair is much longer than i would EVER let it grow if i was still in college. and its a nice change. in the inside, i am more passive than ever, but i communicate better and among other things.

i'm a bit clinging to my life now. and cant seem to get myself to get on board to the new life i planned for myself; sph. sorry jia yin! cold feet and didnt go for orientation. guess i'm just comfortable with life as it is now. time with the company has been good as always. i actually dont mind living on $500 bucks a month + any event money with the colleagues cause they make every day so darn cool. laughter and challenges. i grow and learn. i may be stuck in the same routine, but with them, every moment is fresh. oh well, guess its not my time (age) to live that life in the company.

to wrap up how i feel about them, i always say this "everybody's so nice to me. and i dont get why"

i may be feeling a bit empty in terms of love. but i guess with their day to day interactivity, who cares about lovelove.

anyway, so glad to meet yu ding yesterday. starting to understand her more. hopefully she'll figure her life out soon!

there's so much to say and i guess its insane and kinda stupid to dwell on it. as much as i am secured with this, i have to let go and find a new life. and on the bright side, doesnt mean i wont see the company people ever again. if i really built bonds with them, i'll be in contact with 'em one way or another. thats so Persona.

today's event. scooping up crab poo, not fun.

random shizz from the past week:

heavy rain that flooded the drain and road. mad rush in uploading equipment in the heavy rain. was fun. tiring. and fun.

one out of the many supper that i'll miss dearly.

photos from event: thanks to mike who let me try and shoot the march in :D

dad's birthday tomorrow. glad to have brought clothes for poly with him. gotta take care of mum. keep things afloat.

eighteen eighteen with an attitude

2010-03-05T00:39:00.000+08:00

eighteen eighteen with an attitude

well these short days were filled with many things. so many emotions. and hello. its only been 3 days since i blogged.

on tuesday, i finally met yu ding up for kinokuniya. oddly enough, she didnt buy anything. NOTHING AT ALL. no japanese shizz! so i did all the buying thanks to paycheck motivation! gotta thank brian for pulling me into events last month.

my gosh, looking at all those japanese manga, makes me wanna learn japanese. all those journeys.

well it was fun. brief catch up. random jokes. nice dinner. then she ran off to korean class. we shall plot for her JK business!

yesterday (HAHA i was a little confused cause when i typed "yesterday" it was exactly 12.00am and so its Friday when i wanted to talk about Wednesday. sudden confusion)

anyway, about yesterday. sudden impulse on kebabs thanks to boss's photo snapshot of kebabs in australia from his iphone while i was craving for it. was pushed further by raj's orders for kebabs! so i rushed over. and met up with brian for kebabs.

chris seeing the surprise we left for him when he crossed over to the other side. brian's bright idea.

well kinda sad day. cause chris and lester are flying off! but i guess it aint so bad cause they will be back like tuesday. which is pretty darn close. plus weekends is like a free holiday (PRAYING) so i guess time will FLY. and lorraine will be back! MY GOD, OFFICE. IS. VERY. MESSY. i had to throw away the litter. i miss lorraine and her cleaning antics.

(OMG HOPEFULLY MAD GAMING WITH NICOLE)

when sending them to the airport, i had an odd feeling. i guess when i saw changi airport, i felt how fragile life is. in terms of "coming and going". how people leave easily and go overseas for a new breath of life. which makes me realise how nothing in the workforce last forever. as much as i love working with them and i feeel like i belong, things wont last. cause nobody exceeds 1 year in the company. i'm leaving this month. and whatnot.

i guess the office feels empty without them. oh well. will be seeing them soon. *prays for elmos as gifts from aus*

.. :D

ps. learnt that i'm quite impulsive. which should be controlled. in terms of work execution. replies. annnd buying :D

on a random thought. i need to start being exposed to more things. everyone is having their own projects. exploring options. looking at other people's work. need to be like them.

and oh, enrollment process is effing irritating.

had a 10.30pm to 2.30AM event later. which was hell. i practically did nothing and rotted to death. incapable of acting busy. my omg the crowd was HUGE. like 80 tables or something. camwhores. *suicide*

i guess thats all?

HEAVY RAIN! so glad to see it in stores!

a little disappointing cause there isnt much detective thinking. unexplained shizz. random murderer but logically chosen due to storyline agenda. so sick of the quick time events that looks the same. though the last part with jayden was exciting.

the part of the mother in the hospital saddens me. how can one forget about his parent in the hospital. how is forgetting about her and leaving to the nurses gonna help a mental patient. no love. the time for medication may be compromised by how busy the hospital is. and the parts on how they dont get much attention and rot there day long is UGH. not even television cause of their inability to pay for it. grr. whats there to keep them occupied. ugh to how life pushes people away when trapped in busy routines and priorities.

well. i like the journey nonetheless. making theories of who the murder is. excited to rush through the game to get to the revelation (which omg makes sense but was oddly placed which didnt have much impact on me. was expecting it to be at the final FINAL part. gave the facts away a bit too early.) and replaying parts to get the perfect outcome.

oh well.

anyway. i realised that i dont care about american idol. fast forwared to aaron kelly, lee dewzye, crystal bowersox and haeley vaughn.

omg aaron kelly likes photography! poor boy thinks that the camera is honest. the paparazzi uses it to distort truth, dood.

i like haeley vaughn! i like how SHE ACTUALLY sticks to being herself. people go around saying they are SMILEY and whatever happy things. WHEN they are the ones who usually get moody and bugs about life. and sad to say, thats cause of events in life which is uncontrollable. people who are genuinely happy are rare these days and sadly you dont see them waltzing down the street. when haeley smiles, i can feel her happiness. though i was really hoping for the close-eyes-feel-the-music-get-lost-in-it thing when she sang the climb. well i think she's fun anyway.

PS. CHUCK SEASON 2 IS GETTING AWESOME BY EACH EPISODE. ellie made me cry. aww. when she was getting "harassed" by 'Awesome' 's parents.

shall not go out tomorrow night. wanted to ask a long lost friend out. but figured family time with mum was more important. since i shouldnt really bother with lost contacts for now.

you better go find somebody new

2010-03-02T01:23:00.003+08:00

you better go find somebody new

been a while eh.

so many things have happened. events as per usual. award ceremony. trial shoot with sph. masterclass class. etc etc.

things with the company has been good. so i'm grateful. i'm less self conscious and have the courage to do things my way without much doubt. still need guidance. but i'm strong on my stands, which is good at times. one month left. think i will skip taking day offs.

gosh. 700bucks for gps. shucks man. thanks that m1 removed 400bucks from it. signed up for a plan. 100mb for 10bucks? gosh, doubt its enuff. thanks dad for the back up.

signing up for poly is messy shit. thanks mum for the help!

ANYWAY

its finally here! my 24 seven heartland beats photography competition award ceremony! well, i guess i'm sad since i scored only merit. then again, i asked for it cause my photograph HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HDB FLATS. oh well. wasted, could had been used for SYPA. oh well.

right now, i'm DOUBTING a lot of things. like my talent for sypa. mainly cause the shots dont appeal to much cause of editting and concepts. but its okay. cause i like 'em.

i cant picture my life without the people i met at the company. frankly, some of my friends only cared about my photography cause i was in the same school in them and the photos revolves around them during school events. not so much of attention from them. maybe they aint my audience. the encouragement from the company really pushes me.

a thing that bugs is where i see myself years from now. seriously. i'm 17 going on 18. sitting at the last row of the award ceremony. merit. and i look around seeing this very old guy covering the event who didnt really do a very good job in it. seriously. is he even paid? and i wonder if i will be 50 and covering such events. what? only chances for community events? seriously. and at another platform, i only know of community based awards. i can really forget about the serious ones. though lester etc says i should care about the community too. apparently, this locally famous photographer goes for ALL competitions. *shrugs*. and why are community events.. so community. overbearing loud and so nation educational.

i really yearn for the day when i can be at something of a higher class which really appreciates the art of photography. like letting the top winners talk about their concepts. their path. not for the stupid for show thing. (see? i'm doing something to interact with the community! we did something!) i guess i cant expect much from community events. it doesnt seem to really focus on photography. and maybe what materials they can earn from us? i dont know. i dont have a good impression.

is there gravity to hold down our social status? forever trapping us? rich gets richer? well i feel out of touch with ground now. cause gravity aint working right. it isnt letting me float on the right issues.

its a long effing story on what i think about my career and i couldnt care less about it now. the great thing about being in the company is that i dont think about such things anymore. i just go to work. learn. get serious. laugh. joke. and forget about everything else. work in a positive note on my way to something. cause it feels like there's something going with them and it will prepare you for beyond that. cause there's always people around to help each other out in uncertainty. no need for bursting into fear. causal talk saves the day with them.

nonetheless. thank you for the merit. wasnt feeling good. so i ate a lot. and had a himym short marathon. laughed.

congrats on jia yin for winning too! was so glad that she was sitting beside me throughout!

SPH!

honestly. i didnt like the idea of going back. do the same thing. and maybe get rejected again. and this time is may be so torturous cause the other people will be so much younger than me. thankfully it was a joy. i wasnt expecting to be with jia yin and pearlyn. that was a bonus. was actually ready to mingle. glad to see amanda too. well was different than sec 2. more confident. get my point across well. and was glad to see people of my age in my team.

trail shoot as usual. much easier thanks to the courses by the company. lester is right, its good for us to go for courses. i think i'll go for some exterior ones.

MASTERCLASS.

no way! i was suppose to cover an event. BUT mike felt that i should go for the class and "help out" and let me off! WOW so thoughtful! thanks :D seriously, i have NO KNOWLEDGE of how to help out. i was just busy scribbling notes down. digesting concepts and technical stuff. DAMN i feel so lucky to catch the masterclass class for.. FREE. its like what? 500bucks! and learnt damn lots. brian and lester was very keen on getting me to participate. preparing cameras for me. thanks.

wow, sometimes i wonder how they get themselves to do so many things out of goodwill.

on another note. i aint so much on the self conscious note anymore. still a little. but i behave the way thats natural for me. and dont care how people judge me and whether they want to work with me ever again. even with that said, no i'm not being an ass. i just dont care whether the person think i'm that person who can be easily suppressed. i'm just gonna learn as much as i can. learn about myself. act natural and move on. gotta be confident. more confident, actually?

not gonna go "should behave this way in order to have some back up to here again". stop being so middle man and get played by both sides? no reference to anything. random thought.

well thats all for now. life's been good. god, i love gram's chicken curry. curry chicken.

dangerously armed with a... NETS card

wow! did you know that when you photocopy your olvl cert given by MOE, a COPY COPY COPY pattern will appear? cool. imagine photocopying exam answers with "CHEATER CHEATER CHEATER" appearing at the back.

work till 8pm in the office tonight. mad load of work. nice concerns from colleague. took a cab home. got home three time faster than usual. napped in the cab. able to communicate better with family. 20bucks exchanged for energy, time and proper conversation with family. worth it.

anyway!

yet another day and everything is quite allright

2010-02-25T00:49:00.004+08:00

yet another day and everything is quite allright

well, its been a while. and there's a lot to talk about. i've been living on my private journal for a while. writing down emotions. and i guess it helps cause it feel that its all locked up somewhere out of sight and out of mind. i actually dont remember what i wrote. so i guess the troubles are far away.

i've been playing a lot of Defender Chronicles. which is like wow. i guess i'm addicted like my boss, brian and chris. but damn it. i wanna get all the Gold Stars and maybe finish Legendary and Mystic (if they decide to be less of a diva and appear). and be oh so powerful. and buy all the wow equipment. stupid grinding that barely let me get any gold. was on a strike this morning, scoring so many. until just now when i get so lazy in management and lost every single match that i use to win.

guess i'm tired.

lost? keep getting stronger. build a better stronghold and win

well last sunday, i finally FINALLY met up with her laang. gosh, i lost my "developed" muscles after 2 weeks of no gym. and please, ITS WAS NOTHING TO BEGIN WITH. my gosh, its like +0.0324 of jarratt's fitness going back to 0. i guess chris is right about the mass theory. gotta eat more. it was a nice workout that passed by wayy too fast. i wished i get to train more. but gah, tight day.

lunch with her laang. mcdonalds. cause we just love to waste our gyming efforts. all the best to his NAPFA. pretty darn sure he can do it. he goes to the gym more religiously than me. and started longer than me. and his killer squash trainings.

was nice catching up with him. gosh, if only there was more weekends for us to gym. i would be oh so much healthier looking.

went for my own shoot after that. which didnt turn out very well. i was in a cab and saw this pond FILLED WITH LOTUSES. and felt the strong inclination to shoot it. so i took down the GPS status and went back on sunday to shoot. but GOSH, it looks so underwhelming cause all the lotuses are clustered to the middle. and my 70-200mm wasnt good enuff. and yes even with 400d's crop factor.

oh well.

having my htc hero shooting photos and taking gps locations for note feels indie. living new.

it was a nice change of pace. me sitting there for things to happen. witnessing moments whereby the flock of birds randomly decided to fly off the ground at the same time and into the air and back to their trees.. twice.

wandered off looking for things to shoot. epic fail cause i saw nothing special and walked for miles.

but its okay. kinda fun.

and gosh, i just received news that my gps bill cost me 700bucks. it was 200 for last month. and total till now. which is insane. thank God, dad called them and they removed 400 from the bill. gah, and dad said he subscribed to a data plan the last time. now i have a 100mb plan for 10bucks which obviously is not enough for my gps needs. shit. cause i'm really sure i spent about 1g.

GAH GAH. i shall do something about it.

spent overnight at the office this week's monday. which was nice. we went shooting at marina barrage. brian and augustine. learnt the usefulness of long exposure. gosh, i even shot in f2.0. silly me. shot at f8 etc to see the grand differences. had a lot of night shots in mind but was distracted by augustine and brian's random ideas. from long exposure to hdr to camwhore session. fun nonetheless. my god, all the flash techniques.

the place was so cooling and nice btw.

lester didnt go cause he needed to do work at the office. by the time we went back at 4am.. he was still there. *clap*. well i couldnt wait till sun rise so i slept at 6. which i kinda regret cause the sun rise that they shot at the ferris wheel was soo good. oh well :D

photo credit to augustine and brian.

the pigeon at boss's office DROVE ME NUTS. i couldnt sleep well on the couch. and brain appeared in my dreams cause i think he tried waking me up to go to the shoot. then his words were censored to the weird noises made by the pigeon. and of course, i over slept and woke up shocked cause boss came into the room.

hahaah fun night anyway.

been thinking of whether to switch to nikon. nice d700 colours. most probably not. cause 5d mark ii is WOW. used it a few times lately. holy.

cheaper by the dozen is awesome to watch again. notting hill was okay. hearing 'what christmas should be' by hilary duff at the credits with a new cheaper by the dozen edit was surreal. reminds me of the blonde16 year old girl that i fell in love with. thats amazing with each new project, appearance, and growth.

ANYWAY, cant wait for nicole to get her wii. we are gonna buy loads of new ps3 games too! EXCITED MAN.

on another note. i cant tell if *blah* is doing things for publicity. if he really cares for us. if he is really a nice person. if everything he do is well sincere. cause theres a lot of reasons to lead to it. and i find it hard to believe in him.

facade?

anyway, random snippets of my life:

Crystal Bowersox Hand In My Pocket American Idol

i love her tired soul feel.

Bum Bum BUM BUM DA DA DA DA DADADADADAH

2010-02-18T23:02:00.001+08:00

Bum Bum BUM BUM DA DA DA DA DADADADADAH

gosh. dinner just now was so himym. dinner with yan zhen yuding and aidil to celebrate yuding's birthday. and i guess when i went "OMG WE ARE ALL SINGLE" when yan zhen asked about valentine's day, it all happened. we were all trying to dig out stories from someone while changing subjects like how yan zhen cant eat food for nuts and spill cheese everywhere and stuff about yuding etc etc. the constant topic changing just when one think we have forgotten about the topic like how the himym people will do in the bar! good catchup :D

gosh, i love them. loads of laughter.

hahaha lighting the cake was funny. candle blew out. well nice night.

brought kenka bancho. FINALLY!

and notting hill and cheaper by the dozen for only 7 bucks each!

"can i pay by nets?" WOOHOO :D YAYE FINALLY

Its a ride that takes you all the way up

2010-02-17T01:37:00.002+08:00

Its a ride that takes you all the way up

omg, i'm so overwhelmed now that all i wanna do is jump around my roooom! before this, i was in agony. "OMG, its almost 1am and i have no uploaded my photos. what if no one sees it in time". then i uploaded in time, WOOHOOO. but i didnt get any comments (especially for the fact that i was hoping a few of the people online will comment).

then... A GIRL MASS LIKE MY PHOTOS and WOW. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE COMMENTS :D

i feel that my photographs have improved A LOT today thanks to brian and christopher! :D

GOSH, I SHOULD SQUEAL NOW.

anyway, sometimes i feel that i am really saved by my luck and God and guardian. i thought i could rely on google maps to find hortpark but i couldnt. all i know was that its near labrador park thanks to streetdirectory.com

so i took 804 being lost while searching my gps for it. and i happen to look up at the right time to see the bus passing by hortpark. so yeah! thank God. :D

imagine me walking around with my gps to find the place using nearby landmarks.

well, shooting flowers at the start was kinda okay? its a nice change of pace. had to zoom in from afar to catch up on macro abilities. walked a VERY HIGH bridge to henderson wave. which kinda freaked me out a little when i look down. and brian didnt help cause he jumped on the metal bridge.

lunch at vivo city. we caught some extra shots that i like :D

chris joined us at henderson wave. which was fun. random shizz here and there. talks about the defender chronicles. etc etc. it was fun seeing the both of them. glad to be able to communicate with them. MY GOD. a monkey stole a lady's bubble tea.

well, i'm proud of my shots. love. God, thank You so much :D

gotta bring my parents out more!

Probably a New Start

2010-02-13T21:00:00.003+08:00

Probably a New Start

see if i can hold onto the feelings.

first thing first, Surviving High School is dead fun. i finally got it caused dad passed me his credit card for lending. we bought bomberman ultra on PSN store but too bad he didnt play.

its like yahoo messenger avatars + persona 3 and 4's social links with status to groom. which is kinda cool. if only school has that many cool people. but then again, the people can get so high maintenance and its so hard to keep things flowing in the game. also, GPA is tough shit. it was easy at first but as weeeks go by, my god, so hard to maintain due to the spread out effect.

gotta remember that it is a simulation and it doesnt reflect how i would handle things.

so hard to go up, so easy to drop. gpa.

also, the mini games get tougher and tougher. oh well, gotta learn to hold my ground and keep improving. as weeks goes by, its a bit insane juggling with things and i realised i'm not strong enuff for certain events and its a domino effect which causes me to first lose stability and then the control.

just cause its tough, doesnt mean i cant push on and wait for a turn to strike. and when you are winning, even though its a few secs left, doesnt mean it aint your job to play defense and keep the game in the lead.

consistency earned from every places that lead to the perfect ending.

that was fun.

reunion dinner was good. last year's was satisfying cause of the curry. but it was fun seeing every one around at the dinner, again :D now they are here over for mahjong.

starhub cable tv has all channels free till 28 or something! HOW COOL IS THAT. i think i missed notting hill. SHUCKS.

one of my uncle gave me a digital photo album. at first, i was like "oooo kay, i like photography, so i guess this can be my photo review thing?" then i saw the features like video and calender and whatnot. so i figured this can be good for watching downloaded videos, figure how to plug in video players etc, also, use it as a replacement for the computer when studying for exams. like put exam dates etc on the screeen to avoid the com.

have that addiction to needing a shiny monitor on when studying.

and yes! nice tee from other uncle.

dad gave me his hong bao, which i thought "okay! gpa 4.5" when he said the study hard shizzz. then i saw the amount. and figured i should change it to 5. which is impossible~

(just cause i dont like some random people, doesnt mean i can complain about them. cause i'll end up being like them)

think i'm growing up slowly. like how the older young doods i always look up to.

Where we are at is hard to measure

2010-02-13T01:05:00.002+08:00

Where we are at is hard to measure

OH MY GOD. DONE WITH PACKING MY ROOM. i threw away a lot of things. annnnd randomly inserted stuff into any openings in the cupboards. room feels more airy.. maybe cause of the aircon. packing the room makes it so stuffy.

Yesterday:

event with chris. man, he encouraged me to do candid. so i tried. and damn i suck. the 70-200 f2.8 is so darn heavy. i was too concerned with getting the shot and exposure that i followed the metering blindly and realised i shot up to f20 without knowing. i kinda thought it was f2.8 ahaha blind ass.

learnt that a high f stop will burn out the flash faster. and i underexposed the shot. i really cant tell underexposed shots. use low ap for soft tones. need spot metering in order to judge the in camera meter since yesterday shots was against glass. all wrong! thanks chris. kinda glad that i'm starting to be able to communicate with them.

ps. gotta love when D&D serves buffet. cause we get to eat their food. omg... sashimi!

Today:

quite a rush on things to do. models coming in. leica dude coming in with S2. stuff missing. no idea how to really set up. oh well, just another day. had to paint the wall parts near to the ceiling. climbed all the way up. used thinner and scrub like mad. thanks raj for the help. was fun. omg we removed almost all of the paint stains! woohoo!

jarratt: "she said open the doors for the models later"

raj: "okay, i'm more than happy to open //their doors// for them... the door, i mean."

witnessed a bit of the shoot. learnt a few stuff. my god to african americans. awesome.

learnt that brian has hidden knowledge. underdog. he has many experiences. just chose not to show it.

MY GOD. i did hannah montana's hoe down throw down with him. *clap three times*

oh well. day off from now till tue. play games. relax. go out. shoot.

we did this after the mcdonalds shoot. it was fun. should had pluck up the courage to say "yes" to try. oh well~ was fun. learnt quite a bit.

gonna start on a journal again. pen down different thoughts. place to think and grow. every drop of ink will make the journal heavier.

life punctuates the flow

2010-02-11T01:04:00.000+08:00

life punctuates the flow

two things:

about today and the abstract type of posts.

About Today:

PHOTO SHOOT WITH NICOLE! well, before that was lunch which was good cause its new york new york. but i was feeling sicky so i didnt finish 60% of my food. *shrugs*. i do like video game window shopping. GOSH. shall buy games sooon :D

well it was nice. decent catch up. random jokes here and there. it was nice.

we intended to walk aimlessly and shoot random shizz. but nicole is tired of town so we tried ang mo kio which suck balls. so we decided to go to punggol by cab. been nuts about the whole cab thing lately, taking it like nobody's business.

i'm tired lah.

well it was a very nice change of pace there. first of all, its very quiet and deserted. it was WINDY which is a huge plus cause it was sunny, which is good. cause amk hub was effing cold for a while.

so yeah, nice patches of green. nice buildings being built from scratch. nice place. some random nice things to shoot. decided to head down to matilda's house to reshoot for the 3rd time. but the construction was in the way so we took a detour by following the train tracks around punggol to reach there.

it was quite fun. crossing mini planks. walking in slightly tall grasses (we have yet to explore the places with many trees and long grasses). feeling the change of pace from town. its like a mini excursion. thank God for google maps on my htc hero. and omg, the maps know where matilda's house is! and thank God we didnt die.

i guess a highlight of the trip is how i thought the dogs from a house were gonna leap from the ledge and bite our flesh off when we approached the houses to shoot the small lake. and next thing we know it, while nicole was shooting flowers and me getting freaked out by red green stripped caterpillars, the two dogs appeared.

and they circled around us.

and then came 2 ang mo-s who were owners of the dogs and chatted with us. they seemed curious about our cameras. and nicole (dont know why) was friendly to them while i was cautious thinking they will rob us. then they asked about photography and all. they turned out to be very nice people. and needed tips on photography.. i ended up recommending my boss's photography classes.

you never know man! they: "oh your cameras are expensive? DOGS ATTACK!"

well, nicole was thirsty like hell cause the trip was so last minute and we didnt prepare. and we've been hunting down for 7-eleven for a long while. following signs and putting misplaced hope at the banners that say "7-ELEVEN NOW OPEN". and when we walked down a very long road, we saw the 7-eleven direction sign at the END of where we came from. which made nicole say FUCKKKK

tsk tsk.

well, we eventually gave up on matilda's house cause a part of the tracks was sealed off. so we cabbed away!

shucks, my slippers is talking. should go repair it.

Single. young. reckless. so what! Contented with life now, ain't looking.

SO WHAT IF I DONT MAKE ANY SENSE~

ALLRIGHT

Abstract Post:

you're my ticket outta loserville.

omg i just woke up and everything looks perfect. mainly cause i saw what i wanted to see. but as perfect as it seems, it may not be the right thing for me.

and you are Back In the Atmosphere and make Heaven Overrated. yes yes, drops of jupiter lyrics.

but that doesnt mean things are going the way i want it to be cause i didnt get a reply and oh well, i wouldnt be dreaming of it. should forget about some hopes and move on. maybe life will reward me with one soon.

alternative life. you set me free. let me be real and forgo the facade.

confidence from someone who may not even know about my existence

and i hope i'm ready to say goodbye to my past.

sorry.

opening up to songs make me a little vulnerable now.

i'm sure the universe is large enough for every body to have their own fair share of changing destiny with each step taken by themselves or with help.

things feel diff with my white tee on since i'm always wearing so dark clothes.

doing paper work feels like the millions of chimpanzee at the typewriter.

by day by night kind of thing, my life. paperwork for family tonight. not that bad as compared to others. not like i'm juggling school now. so phew. and i have still have time to blog.

well "Lets Not Over Analyse, so let it be what it will be" yes yes Crush cover by michelle lea

i dont know how telling every one about it will help. cause it changes the dynamics and dimensions of the way things are. maybe unnecessary. maybe it will help me get what i always wanted. but for now, i just want a certain someone.

ANYWAY PHOTOS:

THANK YOU NICOLE FOR THE ELMO

OH MY ELMO. I ALMOST LOST THIS POST CAUSE I WAS HAVING SOME ERRORS DUE TO TWO GOOGLE ACCOUNTS. THANK GOD FOR HISTORY BACK BUTTON.

Something that is sinking in

2010-02-08T21:30:00.001+08:00

Something that is sinking in

"Go to places where people dont expect you to be in" (thats roughly what i heard at the movies)

the imaginarium of doctor parnassus

i quite like it. though it was not deep enough for me to feel fantasy in this current reality when i space out, but i like the concept. especially the carnival circus + dream world thing going on at the start and how its ignored by society. society shrouded by cheap desires and not filled up by imagination. well, the ideas are quite brief.

i like how time barely flows when the imagination goes on.

omg everything looks so worn out and messed up in the movie. dirty environment.

well i'm glad this week is gonna be easy. lunch with colleague and movie too. and its a treat. wow $500 on lunch. wow wow wow. nice sashimi and beef.

dont think i have any events this week. which is okay since i had one almost every day last week. balances thing out. lunch with raj etc tmr. day off on wed. i THINK fri to tue is cny break. SO YAYE!

well, i had fun. still gotta voice out more :D

Almost Here

Construct

2010-02-06T22:57:00.002+08:00

Construct

random thought. i always thought that i had myself figured out, even as i am typing this i came to a conclusion that i may not really know much about who i am. even with that said, doesnt mean i'm in some confusion state. just calm as usual cause no one really knows much about themselves. maybe they think they know. btw confusion is over rated. over it.

what got me thinking was how i constantly de-construct and then reconstruct myself to state myself as (insert adjective) etc etc just when i thought i had myself figured out. i used to think i was sociable cause of my leadership posts in yt. then again, half of the time i was too shy to communicate. so i guess i'm shy? then again, different people, different places, different time, different spaces, i'm different. so i guess (cliche quoting) "i'm a million contradiction, sometimes i make no sense". duff lyrics. shut up. and i have not really known myself that well back then. for that personality that situation, i guess i was quite sociable. especially when it comes to communication with some people.

"I could be brown / I could be blue / I could be violet sky", anyone? haha mika.

cant do anything much about my life. can only do so much about myself. its some odd clockwork mechanism called time that causes me to keep on changing or have different slices of persona.

but.

even with all those said. it amazes me how my confidence grows and built itself through time and experience. especially since when i look back, at sec 2, i thought my confidence was at best. then i scrapped that and figured jc 1 was the best. now with work life going on, i feel now is the best time. i find growth to be amazing.

i always thought confidence was the ability to voice out. doesnt matter about the tone. i used to choose the aggressive especially when standing up for people. lately, i learnt that the diplomatic tone is actually the best sought out way to deal with issues. and that method somehow makes me more confident since i'm compromising and sorting out emotions and not being rash. composed and firm.

i quite like the fact that i de-constructed myself before life topples me down. i tear my thoughts down to the floor. rethink the concepts, map things out, figure things out and rebuild. judge the choices. cancel out bad options that will turn sour due to chronic learning and repetition. so i guess, i avoid messy situations like going for the wrong love.

and yes, all those thinking without heartaches.

even with that said, should learn to live on the edge. sometimes i play it safe. sometimes i try to defy gravity.

on another note, i like how life can be portrayed like a musical.

"girls will come and girls will blow" - neil patrick harris as barney in HIMYM

anyway, photos from the Next Reel International Film Festival. was great going to event with chris and raj. chris, cause he's always so nice and friendly to me and giving me chances to shoot. raj, cause he's been very funny lately but sadly i'm the victim of his pranks. "JARRATT TERMITES ON YOUR BACK" "?! i'm not going for event! i thought your friend is coming with you?", making me freak.

lester said i'm doing well, glad to hear complements from him.

film festival. instrumental music. art place. water fountain. foreigners. so indie. that was how it felt. like rome. now, if only hilary duff/ kristen bell/ kaley cuoco appeared, perfect.

would love to go for premiers.

been holding my anger and sometimes letting it go. brian is right, should always have fun at work and dont let things get to you. i'm an intern and i'm there to learn anyway. plus, there's all sorts of people every where, bound to meet another one. grr btw. best to get used to it now.

btw, photography classes are quite fun. cause the students so very appreciative of the tutoring efforts. their nice smile in their eyes make the teaching so worth it. glad to be able to assist out again today. gained their respect, i guess :D and wow, brian could predict what the boss wants, so i was always prepared thanks to him. like when is the group shot, the prices of lenses etc. thanks to going for many of the classes.

FINALLY able to have dinner with parents at home on a saturday night after so many weeks :D

Freedom. Oh Freedom

2010-02-04T02:28:00.001+08:00

Freedom. Oh Freedom

hmm, just requested for another deferment. lets see what is needed to be done on my part. best to do it now before my first deferment expires and when i get caught up in poly life.

anyway, i'm starting to take control of my life. planning my cca. planning for diploma plus. planning for spot programme. planning for extra modules. planning for ns.

i guess i'm no longer that fucking messed up ass that goes with the flow. i'm actually concerned with my life and i'm not gonna follow what everybody does. take responsible for my choices. its not like life is gonna bestow me with something great without me trying.

so yeah.

diploma plus. aiming for it. cause i gotta diversify.

cca. photography (cause i need the outlet and time to constantly remind me to grow and hopefully find good mates to share experiences with). most of the social work groups cause reaching out is important. maybe one of those leadership groups that teaches public interaction (cause i'm lacking in it). and see if i can handle a sports cca :D aikido? maybe angling club HAAH :D hey, fishing is cool.

spot programme. kinda like yj's ESP shizz. ELR2B2 = 12. thank God i'm qualified. shall take note of the scholarship dates and sign up. things like "Enrichment workshops (on interpersonal skills, public-speaking, interview skills, etiquette and grooming)" really attracts me.

extra modules. stuff like Effective Strategic Leadership, Effective Personal Productivity, Certificate of Performance in New Venture Creation and all those stuff. yes, it sounds silly, but somehow, i get inspired from such talks. even with that said, i still think the name is weird. and kinda lame.

of course, i HAVE NO IDEA how all those works so i shouldnt keep my hopes up on it. maybe i'll be too busy to care.

i kinda wanna take Mathematics 3. tough maths. cause i'm still not happy for not getting the chance to do amaths.

ns. HAHA i swear, i dont know how my old self lets himself be so ignorant. well, i am never really in touch with the NS world since i dont have an older brother and i dont really bother to find out much by asking everybody else. which is bad, cause that means i'll go into ns without knowing whats expected of me. or how things will be like. so i went to check, and shall plan ahead. i think i wanna aim for a career in SCDF. so its time to work for it. be physically fit. and also go pick up skills helpful for the course. maybe first aid and all.

and yes, i didnt leave my deferment to the last minute! actually took the initiative to ask.

so yeah, poly is the place for me to grow, hopefully. and make friends.

on a footnote, i pray that Lester and Shona get into the courses that they want and may the course bring them to a better life. :D

"And it never felt so great"

whats this crap of poly being 3 years is gonna be a waste of time. i know its premature but i guess if i take part time in my current working company, do photography, go for SPH, be active in extra stuff and study hard, it wont be that a waste of time.

love the song Desperado. heard it at an event just now

mum banked in my paycheck just now. feels great.

OMG THANK GOD FOR THE FOOD AT KEPPEL.

ambitions

think you might fall

2010-02-02T23:13:00.005+08:00

Think You Might Fall.

i swear, the moment i signed the contract i'm on my way to derailing myself. it didnt help that i only read through it twice without much thought. but oh well, hello $500 basic pay and $250 from the events from january. i scored my paycheck today!

now... how do i bank in the cheque? HAAHAH okay, i gotta put in my past few years of savings into the bank and stop myself from spending too much... and get myself a nets card.

ahhaha worst still, i'm still blur as hell and need people to repeat twice before i'm sure of what to do. oh well :D

mcdonalds shoot with boss and brian. it was nice seeing how the communication was done. getting slightly better at setting up the lighting. saw the angles and all. boss's charisma helped to make the profile shot good.

slowly progressing. internship ends on march 31.

ANYWAY, was feeling a little dull cause i overslept on the bus and landed on the bus interchange. which is kinda a bad idea since it was 7.20pm and i saw quite a bit of yj people. some were too caught up to say hi. cant be bothered to try and catch their attention even though some were from yt. oh well.

shouldnt be too clingy to the past.

BUT, i walked passed the coffee shot near the college and saw charles and quan yi! funny thing, i was thinking of charles when i passed by the bookshop and thought of his late night pw printing troubles.

aww, quan yi was so elated to see me. charles too! so glad to see them again :D

they gave me something good to blog about and made my night.

oh yeah, i figured out that ten bucks per top up for my ezlink card aint enuff anymore since i'm paying for adult fare which costed me 1.60 each bus ride from work. instead of the regular 60cents. oh well.

CNN world news clips are pretty interesting. watched it during the mcdonalds shoot at their head quarters. wonders how it is like meeting overseas client from other companies and other head quarters to talk about business concepts.

yes yes, ripped the lyric from fantasia's even angels.

i used to think maybe if i stare hard enuff, day dream hard enuff, i'll get some awesome love.

david choi's cover is interesting!

back

2010-02-01T22:40:00.001+08:00

Back.

walking yu ding to the front gates last week was odd enough. actually crossing into it was more weirder. and wow, i am back to college! the college building structure is same old same old. saw a couple of people having PE. kinda miss it cause the warmth felt under the sun was so good. could really use the chance to break into sweat.

anyway, saw a couple of people here and there. sad that i didnt see everyone i like. oh well, there's facebook. glad to see quan yi as one of the first few.

mr sng saw me and came to chat with me. was nice to hear his supporting comments.

WELL the games look fun. the performance by the house excos and ogls were fun.

pierce: "HOW ARE YOU FEELING TODAY?!" ... "RESPONSIBLE!"

HAHA WTF. i bet they had to promote the school values and conveniently used this instead

times like these, i miss being at school and watching the funny people perform.

well so glad to see people here and there. thanks samiare for the hug. caught me off caught. hoho.

shots were kinda okay. very noisy photos. bad flash exposure. bad flash refresh rate. bad at bouncing off the direct sunlight that was very harsh. i suck at flash :( but the shots REALLY beats not having flash at all. cause without it, my shots would be as bad at the old shots and thats bland. so i'm grateful for the flash nonetheless. and i mimicked my company's bounce card!

oh well, good training. will try and learn. :)

Harvest Moon: Hero of Leaf Valley Coming To U.S. This April

happy!

cant quite think of what else about today

Mmmmmmmmm.

2010-02-01T00:26:00.006+08:00

Mmmmmmmmm.

had gym with her laang today. was glad to see him. and was glad to have a good work out. a little tried during the events later on but well, for the fitness, its all worth it. thank God for the warm showers at the gym.

shall treat him to something next week cause tomorrow is payday :D ... which i took a day off to go back to college to shoot. which i hope will turn out great cause i miss my friends.

right time right place. just felt it wasnt safe yet. shall ask for a chance to shoot next time. till then, research and keep my groove strong.

finally made my own bounce card... copied from the company :D hope it works tomorrow.

dont know whats wrong with me. didnt know i was still so aggressive when i thought i boiled down to the defensive tone by now. oh well, guess i was sure the boss would want to go for this direction so i fought back. thanks lorraine for appeasing and teaching me some valuable public relation tips. wrong persona, suddenly.

supposed to do a million things before the boss comes down to events. lesson learnt.

i'm doing a lot of things that i usually dont do and today i was seriously unprofessional. thankfully nothing bad happened. shall learn.

things to be thankful about about the shoot:

photo shoot ended early by 30mins, reached home early.

taxi driver was asking each passenger in queue for where they are heading and decided to pick me up cause i was in line with his plans even though i was the 5th in the taxi stand queue. reached home early. (while carrying quite a bit of mc)

had mcs with mum. glad

shall shower and pack for tomorrow.

mobile uploads:

wanna recycle those ink.

i think i'm losing myself a little and need to consolidate myself with people tomorrow. with all the scheming by the people, clients of different sort of characters, no longer being in college and whatnot.

ps. i'm losing track of money value to the degree of buying a $7 fruit tart without any feelings. and only realising its expensive when i compare to the value of a filet o fish mc meal.. :/

Resolution

2010-01-31T02:26:00.003+08:00

Resolution

today is full of epiphanies.

the sudden "OH" about how to get about photography.

i was listening to my ipod on the train and the Ocean chinese song was played. and for some odd reason, i happen to have some Ugly Betty residue in me after watching an episode and my subconscious/ guardian mixed both magazine publication aspiration + chinese feel together.

i was wondering how to be like Betty and try to take every chance to grow. which reminded me of the chinese SPH thing. hey! its a start for the resume! i can take photo shoots during my day offs :D hello jia yin! shall join them.. AGAIN. after being rejected cause i was too 'nature photography' back then.

random: a sign of adulthood: paying $1.40 for bus fare.

after supper with the colleagues, i took a cab with one of the part timers whose name i didnt get to ask, sadly. and he talked about the importance of being enthusiastic after hearing me saying how i may never get to shoot cause i am leaving by april and i'm crawling like a snail in progress.

so he offered his experience. and i decided to learn from him! during the time such as march in when distribution is a big nono, i SHOULD MUST (REALLY) grab the camera and help to shoot! be a backup! and i thought he was kidding! i gave it some thought and DAMN he's right.

in my mind, i was picturing how i would shoot the shots. catch the champagne and all. began to fathom whether its possible artistically and technically. then i realised i need to go back to analysing other photographer's wedding shots and be inspired by them!

wow, i learnt quite a bit today huh.

and was able to communicate better too. :)

well time to eat dad's dinenr leftovers. he made some dumplings.

2010-01-30T00:53:00.004+08:00

i cant be a part of my old life anymore.

and i cant seem to embrace my new life right now.

well i say fuck that.

so:

"I'll be Dancing With Myself"

Suitcase Of Memories, Time After Time

2010-01-29T23:23:00.005+08:00

Suitcase Of Memories, Time After Time

finally tried kebabs with colleagues. htc hero isnt a part of me yet, shall start taking snap shots of my daily life. indie feel, i hope.

walked yu ding to school today after passing her my video camera. wow, 7.15am, that odd feeling. the mint in the mouth thanks to tooth paste. the heavy feeling in the chest. school. had a fun time catching up.

photo shoot for only 2 hours today! super glad. the amount of guests wearing funky hats get confusing after a while.

sang my way home cause it was full moon. good rest on the bus.

"Until My Life Is Exhausted"

feeling uneasy. been quiet. should learn to mingle. God, i wanna shoot.

time.

2010-01-27T22:04:00.009+08:00

TIME.

i should really learn to seize my time proper.

i guess i wanna live.

learn to seize every moment to shoot. like during events, ask to do setup shots. and maybe go further. every moment is a picture perfect moment. talk to the photographers at weddings. the freelance ones, ask how they start. gain their experience. try and make use every option. instead of facebooking at work, take their expensive cameras and try to learn to shoot proper. use the advanced equipment. like what hui qin said.

i wanna

read the newspapers and know how to live my life proper

go back to literature and find new words to express how i feel

meet someone special every day and be the first to speak up well

learn the piano and play it off every time i get time off at duties during weddings when alone.

parts of ugly betty, really.

to have meaning in life

and so much more.

a note, brian taught me an important thing about keeping money. as much as they are colleagues and are super nice to me, its good to take confirmation of who is keeping money and whatnot cause you never know whats up and what may occur.

also, i find it tough to keep up with life. thinking about it, i'm responsible for a lot of lives. has never occured me to control gramps's diet cause there's some stuff coughing up now, and also mum's blood pressure and maybe dad's liver. so many other things to take responsible for. sometimes, it would be so much easier to have an older brother who will take responsible or at least have some team work. my God, ugly betty makes me realise so many things.

oh, gotta care about recycling too. omg to the trash at work place that can be recycled.

well gotta upgrade my htc hero. use its applications to the fullest. communication. task doing. and whatnot. cant let it boil down to another regular phone.

piano. dark skies. ;late at night

the song takes every cliche words and turn into beautiful lyrics with your punctuations of breaths and emotions.

"This years love had better last"

2010-01-26T00:24:00.006+08:00

i really didnt like that moment when that lady followed me around asking me to drink.. thrice argh, guess thats the real world. should really learn to drink. her saying "ALSO NOT ASKING YOU TO DRINK. RUN FOR WHAT" when i walked away. and guess what? she approached me saying "na! sprite only la... with beer". think she drank it herself when i walked away for the last time time.

sigh. service industry.

no permission to diss her off. oh well. take it in and endure.

i saw a fair share of rich people at many events. they can be nice and at times demanding. i dont know man. its rare but they hint about getting things their way, which to them is at best the right style. guess its the corporate mentality. fast kill to seize the deal.

funny thing, always wondered if i will be like them. i like those fancy dinner. those fancy award nights. those fancy tuxedos. those fancy glass wine. those fancy every thing. i fancy the fancy things. haha, dont know if quitting for poly will seal that route any more, especially since all i care about is photography.

well who cares about that world.

still testing out the water at work. the people are nice. slowly to get use to them. its been nice since they kept joking with me.

tata: "EVERYBODY except jarratt TRY THE CHILI! DAMN NICE"

HAHA well cause i died eating supper with them that has very spicy chili.

HAHA wth. and its nice how they go around telling every one the encounters of each colleague to every one so we know what happened. its tough at first when there was so many inside jokes but i'm starting to get it. which is pretty damn cool.

collected raj's birthday cake today. wasnt sure of how to do it since today is the company lunch (my second one) aint sure of what the program was. thank God, thing fell into place and every one seemed to have fun. was glad to see lorraine when going to the restaurant, especially since i couldnt communicate nuts with the chinese waiterS.

well, thought i wouldnt get along with people but they were nice to me and i'm opening up to them glad.

thanks all for the praises and encouragement!

anyway, was glad to see her laang at gym. caught up for a while. DAMN H3 math sounds like a challenge. all the best! quick moments of catch up like these makes friendship possible. consistency.

gotta thank mum for the late night supper to keep me alive.. and fatter.

2010-01-20T23:08:00.002+08:00

HMM, asking to look back and blog whatever that has happened since *insert last blog date* is kinda insane.

on the top of my head, i gotta thank the livestudios people like lorraine, lester, brain, christopher, hui qin, raj, christine, mike and tata.

some, i'm super glad that are around during shoots. some, kept pushing me to new things by telling me to do new work. some, are always concerned and kept talking to me. some, knowing when to push me and knowing when to protect me from harm. some, speaking up for me when i am tongue tied. some, letting me take things at my own pace without questioning me.

kinda miss andrew.

brain: "YOYO, BROTHER FROM THE SECOND MOTHER" wtf!

work has been nice to me. and i ALMOST SCREWED THE F UP cause i was given unclear directions. and i think the computer saved my butt too? i was a little freaked out and my eyes opened wide like nobody's business. scared to death. thankfully, today, i found help. phew. lester was concerned and tried to ask me about it but i covered it up. cause i was either thinking it was

1) too effing late
2) or, there's always that mojo jumbo thing i do to save things
3) wait for luck and God to save me.

it was a bit of 2 and 3.

feels like the holidays now btw. gotta stop be so surprised that there is no one online at 3am cause everybody else have school.

found snes and gba emulator on my HTC hero. HOW COOL IS THAT. gotta use it to the max! applications and whatnot!

i like how i'm keeping contact with my friends on facebook and twitter cause i cant have any friday day offs to see most of them.

i signed up for JAE btw. business admin. guessed my idea of it is that having knowing only photography when i am 30, DOESNT MAKE SENSE. and i wanna know how to run my own business, especially if it is a photography one. dont wanna work for people, wanna work with people.

hopefully lester young and i get whatever we want!

AND THANK GOD I TRIED TO SIGN UP EARLY. APPARENTLY THERE WAS THAT WAIT-SIX-HOURS-FOR-PROCESSING shit that i didnt know about before i can sign in my choices.

been quite psyched about the video game world lately, had fun catching up on Siliconera webbie for JRPG.

went back last friday to yt for a quick brief introductory to photography for the sec 1s. sadly, they werent assigned to us yet, so i did it for the rest. had a great time seeing all of those little people :D

big respect for jia yin's shots, really. especially the air plane one!

supportive teachers here and there. miss howe, mr ong, miss j tan. saw miss goh! who said i had talent in photography when i guess she only saw 1 of my shot and thats the one from IN Mag.

hello april! saw her randomly! relief teacher!

OHOH get to be a graphic assistant for the first time! MAN it was tough. flooded with photos to edit and print. thank you lester for distracting the incoming mob of people asking for their photos. annoying client was criticising or something. little urge to cry. channeled some +ve energy to make myself feel better and ignored the shit out of her. make a poker poker poker poker face.

gotta learn from lester, be patient and polite.

i'll start by learning to fake a smile and get rid of my -ve emotions. no point being unhappy over a 500 bucks per month job? be happy and learn!

starting to understand life better. starting to get the hang of things.

was reading the newspapers.

the newspapers make me feel that there's a lot to change.

i accepted new perspectives. but was mad about the way the newspaper tries to sneak in truth.

they used principals to 'reassure us' that singaporeans are still top notch locally.

seriously?

the principals said we are still "keeping (the) edge" and are not losing out? duh, they represent the school, obvious for such positive comments.

what a way for the newspaper to relieve tension of foreigners scoring better then us by using the seemingly appropriate subject to interview. then again, stuff like their determination, maturity, having that once chance after leaving home makes them strive harder than us.

and yes to "missing the forest for the trees" in terms of how we only see the top student as a foreigner and not how the rest of the top 10 20 whatever are singaporeans.

i think the newspapers try to project a perfect society that wasnt there in the first place. i didnt know i was taught meritocracy the moment i "enter school". i only realise it in social studies and was quite amazed by it. guess singapore's way to teaching important things are through the hard way of fixed lessons like value lessons and not through passiveness on a teacher's watch and encouragement.

not that doing it passively is any easy.

i tried imagining how i would make a lesson interesting, sure i had sparks of idea back then in school, now i have none. fun versus necessity.

WOW, getting more involved in photo shoots.

i find it odd that i suddenly have the urge to browse through family albums for shots of me with my elmos.

WATCHED GLEE TONIGHT ON STARWORLD. HAD FUN, DONT LIKE THE FUN PARTS THEY CUT OUT.

2010-01-11T21:50:00.004+08:00

been helping willy with his photography beginner classes. the practical shoot was fun. my god, those people are good at panning shots. and some of their shots are quite decent, really. they do care about exposure etc.

i guess it was fun asking them if they needed help and answering their questions. and really helping them. didnt get to shoot much cause one lady's camera battery went flat. so i had to lend my camera to her. but nonetheless, managed to get some decent shots here and there.

i kinda wished i was more involved in the first day's lesson. but i have mad farming to do. i'm glad that i'm moving on to new jobs. from farming to slotting of shots to printing shots to sending to professional printing to helping out at lessons to printing cd covers and whatnot. best part is that i finally get where some of the stuff are placed and whats going on. how things work.

and i like how i'm not really dropping things anymore! MY GOSH, willy threw the hugo perfume bottle and startled me. so i went "WHOAHHAOHHOH" and found myself catching it. thank you God and Guardians and PE.

still, gotta learn about what is what and try to be ahead. like be bothered to know the equipment.

out smart out wit the problems with whatever i have. break through limitations or simply performing my best with the restrains.

funny, one beginner class before this, i was a "student", learning bits and wishing to be in livestudios. now, i'm running around for errands. i'm here now.

omg, the alarm went off this morning cause i didnt know the first person to enter the office needs to deactive the alarm. so it send off very loud sounds into the streets. and my boss knew about it cause the alarm system informed him. my God. and worse still, i didnt know the last person needs to turn on the security system. lesson learnt. danger man. a lot of money on my head.

and to think i was going "HA, this is THE alarm? its so soft... OH MY GOD ITS SO LOUD NOW *CALLS LESTER MIKE LORRAINE*"

learnt a fair bit from willy today at the corporate profile shoot. interaction and posing to get them less tensed. personality of trust and approachability.

i like KFC snackers!

omg my boss just liked an OLD OLD status on facebook. and the colleagues were talking about how facebook gets into privacy. i like lunch with them. its funny. raj stories are interesting. MY GOD. the thing about the transsexual and binding was UGHH.

you know in those kindergartens when they teach you thinking skills by placing photos in sequence? never knew it'll be soooo applicable at work now. sorting out wedding shots from gate crashing to the banquet.

i like how i'm keeping some form of contact with my friends through facebook. and keeping my train of thoughts right over here!

NO WORK TMR. wanna swim. back hurting cause of the heavy equipment.

ultimately, what i want is to find time for photography. on my own. or with the poly. doesnt matter how.

2010-01-08T21:07:00.006+08:00

went to doctor. think i'm fine.

anyway, met with lester for open house. it was nice seeing him. ITS TRUE. THERE'S MIRACLES. PIMPLES GONE. GONE GONE. well, he's quite the talker today. i dont quite know what to say to him since he MIA for so long. well couldnt hear what he said half the time. mumbling ass. SOMEONE SAID HE CAN DRIVE ME TO SCHOOL IF WE GO TO THE SAME POLY. I'M COUNTING ON IT IF IT HAPPENS!

ngee ann. saw a few familiar faces. dont think i'm going there? i dont know man. NO NICOLE ELMO :/ omg the moment lester and i entered a room, the guides will STARE AT US AND APPROACHES US IMMEDIATELY. which made us a little scared.

singapore poly. OMG, the campus is so nice! and i met up with jia yin. was cool, checking out the places.

temasek poly. its nice. i dont know man. visual comm is amazing (looking at the final product) but i dont want to do history of graphic designing and the other god knows what. and i dont want to draw. and do those arty things. i just want to SHOOT AND USE PHOTOSHOP.

:/

still searching.

dont think i need to go visual comm just to find out about my photography.

lunch with jia yin. good times.

thank God for the rest on the bus

i will not chase after birds with a 17-55 but with a 70-200 from now on.

OMG JIA YIN RE-EDITED!

"its okay to have a little crush, act stupid" - daniel from ugly betty

i managed to sync the company's google mail into my phone. was a little freaked out by the sheer amount of event.

finally have access card and company's google cal! getting the hang of work! and where things are kept!

finally brought a handphone cover and screen protector! and finally put aside the elmo handphone pouch from yan zhen that is depreciating like mad. can preserve now! wanna keep this phone as long as i can!

2010-01-06T20:41:00.003+08:00

i usually dont give a damn about most things in my life, but lately, i see myself caring. like when i have dinner with my family at night, i dont give a shit mostly. but lately, i do reply them, talk to them and learn more about them. and just now, i picked up my phone bill for the first time in many years and checked out my bill.

hey, it aint that bad. i wasnt sure about my free sms and incoming calls plans. usually, i'll go "do i have it? AH who cares, dad will pay for it"

well i guess thats the changes i feel from getting a job. living by the clock. not seeing the family peeps for so long. taking up more responsibilities.

anyway, a news to share. i scored a place in a photography competition out of the 33 winning spots. Thank YOU JIA YIN for the recommendation and support or i would not had sent in the entry. and congrats in having a spot too!

i hope its the top 3 prize cause chua jia yin needs a new camera body!

i think i'll get my family out for a dinner with the winning prize too.

more info at the end of the month. gosh i hope i score one of the top 3 prize.

jarratt: 'which photo was it?'
lady on the phone: 'i dont know how to describe it. that blue thing'

HAHAHA okay

i gotta thank God for the opportunity. cause if you think about it, without this, i would not have the assurance in photography. in a way, it assures me that i'm going somewhere, anywhere. and not in some circle going round and round.

in a way, winning defined my shooting style for now. High ISO for that HIGH SHUTTER. not so much for a blur shot cause i wanna freeze things. clarity. maybe blur for shutter zoom shots. blue white balance.

its good to reflect and see what shots make it. what dont. reminds me of John Cosgrove. i wonder how my life would be if i accepted his offer to be under his wing for photo guidance. AHHAAH looking back, i sent him my shots, thinking its the best ever. and guess what? that was 2 years ago. my shots have grown.

still, have lots to reach out to in order to grow. catch up and all.

times like these, photography is the right move.

you take a breath out of a movie and made it into a photograph.

also, it got me to look back and think what routes i wanna take. have a photography magazine. theatre photography. national geographic? AHAHA whats next?

i guess tp's visual comm is a great idea. the exposure to find my wings. till i finally find my wings!.

also, i guess i should be less petty and stop being mad at the people who arent making the effort to stay in contact. i'll try and ask 'em out instead. kinda reminds me of that NYC feel. meeting up.

i'll try and see if i can jump into social work. the thoughts of seeing poor innocents having to rummage trash for a living really makes me feel sad.

SYPA COMING UP MAN. shucks cant use that winning shot anymore. oh well. an excuse to shoot more! get stronger.

ahaha a photography magazine? reminds me of ugly betty. AHA YEAH

from the old blog: "i layed awake last night wondering if things will ever be the same again. and i wondered, if i should had went to poly..? was i too hesistant in shutting out possibilities of poly? what if there WAS really a pure photography course? just that its really discrete in popularity?"

AHHAHAHA OMG "LAYED" its laid. tsk tsk. old jarratt.

2010-01-03T21:19:00.004+08:00

where i am at in my life right now

CAMERA. GYM GLOVES. KEYS. ELMO(S). JACK FROST. PSP. IPOD TOUCH. HTC HERO. NOTEPAD. WATCH. WALLET. TABLE PLANNER. STARBUCKS MUG. CONTACT LENS. MIDNIGHT TAXI RECEIPT.

i guess that tells where i am right now

its not easy to try and update everything. but anyway, my dad brought me HTC hero. so i'll try and stay in contact with my life through its applications. hopefully the faster interactivity with facebook, twitter and all the to do lists will help me reach back to my life easily.

lately, all i've been doing is events ($20 PER EVENT! ... but i still need to ask IF i'm actually getting any salary. shucks) and sitting outside the office with my PSP and ipod waiting for the people to come cause everybody tends to be late and i dont have an access card.

thank God for my games and the office's wifi which is access outside of the office door and watch bleach. i win.

well its a good change of pace, me having my own time to play DURING OFFICE HOURS. while weddings are getting BLAH. some are really sweet. some are just same old same old.

31 Dec:

half-day off during new year's eve. which was awesome cause i feel deprived.

i went to work late ish by 15mins at 11.45 to find lorraine stuck outside the office without an access card. then raj was late till 1.30pm. thank God, christine came early to let us in. yaye! saw andrew again :D

HAHAHA by the time we started working, it was lunch time so we ate. then i found out its half day today! CAN MEET NICOLE YAYE

GOTTA LOVE HALFDAY FROM WORK. HELLO CAMERA. HELLO ELMO. HELLO BLEACH. HELLO PSP. HELLO DAYLIGHT. HELLO NICOLE FOR SWENSEN

BLOATED MAN.

so fun to see her again! good catching up. HURRY BUY Wii! WE GO YOUR HOUSE TO PARTY. omg i feel like playing monopoly! AND OME SHE HAS A DS :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

i wanna earn enuff money to buy a ds, wii and canon 5d mark 2 (THE OFFICE HAS IT!!!!)

brought Persona. happy.

1 Jan:

first things first. going for weddings are getting old. well all for the 20 bucks and experience. also the quick glimpses at hot hot people. OMG I SAW 3 HOT KOREAN LOOK ALIKE. HEAVEN. too bad, i should know my place. :D

ugh thing, woke up real early to go to the office cause i didnt know what time the photoshoot start. and best of all, i took a cab, next thing i know it, hui qin said they were already there. and there = to orchid country club which is super near to where i live. all the way to the office for nothing.

i earned 40bucks today for covering 2 events!

2 jan:

i met up with her laang for gym. wasnt our usual time. and omg there was so many people. i saw so many familiar faces. and they had new machines! and changed the glass! which is cool cause the light density is different from the angles and we can only see whats up from the inside of the gym.

WOW! we have been gyming since july!

finally met yan zhen and yu ding. the text didnt get to aidil, sadly :/

it was fun meeting them again. quick catch up. random lines. it was nice.

THANK YOU YAN ZHEN FOR YOUR PIRATE ELMO. HOPE YOU LIKE THE GIFT!

HELLO YU DING, NICE TO SEE YOU AFTER SO LONG

PYZ EATS HER OWN KIND

today:

UGH i need the company's invite to google mail. I DIDNT KNOW I HAD A DAY OFF TODAY. spent an hour outside the office playing my PSP.

hello htc hero.

thank God for all these especially after photoshoots with no dinner. when i grow up, i'm buying dinner for the photographers covering my wedding. if i get married.

i quite like this photo.

so day off tonight = family dinner. good :D

2009-12-30T00:34:00.003+08:00

and oh, i helped to push a car yesterday!

long story short, i screwed up like mad today. thank God i was under jonathan and hui qin or i would had died under the bosses. thanks for the guidance, i'll try and improve. man, so much to learn. and gotta thank all the seniors for filtering the bosses' comments.

2009-12-28T23:14:00.006+08:00

i find myself stuck to routine. my brain is kinda dead but oddly enuff, when i was being blur and almost taking the wrong turn to work, my legs took the opposite direction and my mind went "OH". and before that, my brain didnt really register that the bus was here, i just stared into thin air and somehow my legs got myself up the bus.

the end of year party was nice. food's cool. i like sashimi. i was wearing the party hat and a kid called me a dweeb. wth

my god, my brain is sod ead that i cant think of what to blog about even though i ended work at 9 ish instead of the usual 12. and plus its the party from 6. then again, putting up deco is ugh. i scored lester's gift and its.. a bottle of wine..

chris scored mine! starbucks bottle. i love it.

well tired. Bleach a little and prep for tmr.

wanna buy Persona. appreciating my PSP even more now.

2009-12-28T01:48:00.003+08:00

i signed up for this?

beneath everything, cant believe this is going on.
i cant tell where my loyalty lies. everyone is so nice to me. willing to teach me. and yes, its obvious the place isnt going to hold anyone forever cause the pay isnt good and the hours are tough. its more of a learning place.. but still? the way things goes?

is there any hidden agenda? everyone's nice and yet they are willing to do it.

why do i not feel the urge to react strongly? because it doesnt affect me? because i emphasise with them? because i can get a share of the pie if i wanna? because i dont like how things have been going on?

i have a lot on my mind, thank God nicole listened to them, thanks!

shot for ain's sis's engagement party. OH MY GOD, its so close to a wedding. thanks for the opportunity. hmm, do i really want this life? so glad to see ain sam yz.

i'm not like one of the doods from the company whereby he earns 1 k per night and still can handle school.

when i grow up, being on my own for freelance is gonna be so tough. maybe i shouldnt take it up.

had another shoot for the company. THANK YOU NICOLE FOR COVERING ME UP. I'M GLAD THAT YOU HAD FUN!

i learnt so much from today. so screwed up in parts like stepping on the bride's dress... and freaking out about it also about the table plan that i messed up without thinking. SHIT SHIT SHIT. MUST LEARN. BE SHARP. the boss was very kind on my mistakes. MUST GET BETTER.

do they really like my shots?

had supper with brian. was good talking to him about things. gotta thank him for having faith in me.

right now, i'm feeling a lot of things.

2009-12-27T02:06:00.004+08:00

i cant begin to comprehend how it feels.

all i can say is, i'm so glad i THINK i know what i'm getting myself into.

i dont even know what made me say it. but i talked to andrew, jonathan and brian. next thing i know it, they told willy and i'm in. least i'm in? willy thought it was a random joke and then i think he approved when he heard its for real.

wow. i cant believe i'm actually in. without WAP, i wouldnt have made it in. thank you mrs seetho.

right now, i have random floods of thoughts on how my life will change

1) i can kiss my social life goodbye cause when yan zhen called me at 11pm, i was still at the office.

2) i can forget about going home early cause apparently tonight's the earliest night. and they have up to 9 photo shoots for busy days. and my mum certainly do not need another man in the house coming home after midnight when dad is already clocking 5am

3) i will really have to progress in photography and focus. and i may not have time for my own shoot cause for example, i have to leave early from ain's shoot cause the office needs me. and i'm glad i sorta saw the priority.

4) goodbye regular sleep cause some shoots end at 2am and start at 7am on serious days. and goodbye proper meals cause lorraine and brian skipped breakfast and lunch.

its a lot of change. i thought of a few just now. and i see a few more at the horizon.

part of me didnt dare to leap cause i still feel young. but when my mum was worried about me cause i was still at the office at 12am, i felt the urge to prove i'm grown up. contradictory? stuck

omg lorraine took visuals comm too! she said tp's one is too tight. and a lot of changes have been made and a lot of good prof left :/ i'll go figure it out. it was scary at supper just now, every one's attention was on me when they talked about my future.

there's a lot of things going on in my head and i'm glad i'll see sam yz and ain tmr.

i'm not very sharp lately and i dont wish to piss anyone off by being blur. so i gotta be careful.

omg have yet to shower.

its good to get advice from everybody there. scary thing is, jonathan said people dont usually stay longer than 1 year in livestudios cause its a place to learn. so i wonder whats next after it all?

2009-12-25T01:12:00.009+08:00

First of all,

HAPPY CHRISTMAS, everybody!

i wanted to watch Elmo Saves Christmas on youtube but i was distracted by Valkyrie Profile.

on another note, i'm hoping that aidil's brother will be allright.

Monday:

i had a night shoot with the doods at livestudios. it was fun. frankly speaking, asking me to shoot the christmas lights is BLAH. thankfully, there was something exciting going on and my 70-200mm f4 IS saved my butt.

i'm pondering about SYPA. so Godspeed on that. i'm putting my faith and art on the line. what makes a good photo. who is to judge, really?

i dont quite know if Photography is the right right right thing for me. but when i saw the shots by the livestudios people, i feel quite inspired by their set works. that sense of completeness overwrites the agony of figuring if a diploma is the right right choice.

how screwed can you really get in singapore? my thoughts right now, it cant be that screwed if i chase my dreams.

right now, i'm content with nailing photoshoots, going home to develop my hard earned shots, having moments with my friends and family while keeping some personal space for me to walk home and sing as loud as i want on the streets.

love. another closed door. so what. next year, i'll be smarter.

anyway, looking back, grateful that my shots improved. in the past, i'll look over my shots and be so proud of the skill. now? blah the old shots barely appeared in my sypa set. guess there's finally more and more growth.

Tuesday:

i attended willy foo's beginner's class. as much as it was a bore going through the basic, i was surprised that i actually missed some stuff. i mean, i heard of them but it has never occurred to me to care about it. and i'm glad to cover them. and i do see myself using some stuff here and there. of course, scribbled advices down like mad. i have a lot of new directions and skills to master.

Wednesday:

the practical shoot. i'm glad that willy gave me 19/20 for the Exposure challenge :DDD

anyway, i like this song. the instrumental soundtrack has that destiny peterpan flying music feel. i really cant tell if david is singing in english or in french but who cares, with that voice, its for the win.

dad's christmas dinner ftw! HELLO lobster.

flickr:

You've hit your monthly bandwidth limit of 100 MB, which will reset on the first day of next month. Deleting existing photos and videos in your account doesn't free up space, but if you upgrade your account all limits are removed.

oh but come on, its Christmas!

seeing them, i wished i was like them. athletic, sociable, talented, good looking, christian.. and normal.

gotta remind myself that i'm fine the way as i am.

2009-12-19T20:24:00.003+08:00

underneath that piece of fun and learning is a thing called reality that is crawling its way out of that fragility as time passes by.

face it, once poly is over, its strong reality.
face it, once the calender strikes out 31 dec, its life without the support of livestudios.

i should be crying about something, anything and everything.

its the part of the year where things come to an end and i wonder if there's a future. have i lived by so much that there's no more luck and destiny to pave things forward? i have 4 months till poly i dont even know if poly will be fulfilling in terms of learning, scoring and loving in life.

i have so much emotions crawling in me. love and photography. so much that i cant begin to comprehend. no use in talking much about it until life progresses on and let me into it.

i wonder how long must i sit by and have that "faith" that it will be my turn and when it comes, it'll be fucking good.

BLAH. dont say fate, say destiny.

enuff of that

twitter:

2nd livestudios event! Getting the hang of it. bridal showcase. should had memorised wedding packages cause i sucked at promoting the packages. WOW david shots are goood! And he's great at communicating. I can't emphasise how great david's shot are! Time for manual settings during photoshoots! Learning so Much from david! Learnt marketing pov shots and setup shots. God, changing settings in flashy lights is WOW. Lights go up. Lights go down. Change accordingly. Bum bum bum.

David think my shots are boring. And hell, that's true as compared to theirs. The fact. No more time for complements.

Take me in. Keep me safe. Let me grow. Came too far to wanna lose it all, even though I just started. Forget love. .... Some life that I've chosen. Too early to judge, yet not much time left.

Shots must be interesting. Settings. Flash gel. Mmm And oh, whitebalance

when you are put side by side with top notch photographers, you cant help but wish to be like them and at the same time feel that you cant make it.

is there any more time left for me in livestudios? God, its as if i can kiss photography goodbye cause i cant think of any more opportunities.

i cant let myself go back to the standards when i shot for camps and random work. pray God that i can stay in livestudios and grow.
__

anyway, i'm feeling dull.

i'll feel better when i have to chance to keep proving myself in this uphill struggle. so please let me in. challenge.

2009-12-19T00:57:00.003+08:00

also, i heard brian say that there's this dood who has a full time job but still shoots everyday. if he participates in a competition, anyone else will only have 1/3 chance of winning.

2009-12-19T00:16:00.004+08:00

God, i dont know if it is tears or just exhaustion.

i'll just blog about today:

(OH thanks to willy yesterday for the lunch treat and the livestudios peeps for the Avatar 3D movie treat)

anyway, wow

i dont know what to say or even how to really say this

a part of me is effed up and scared of it. the other part of me is grateful LIKE HELL for the opportunity. looking around, all those photographers are WAY better than me and i have NO IDEA what good deeds i did to earn such good karma to land amongst them for work attachment program AND BE ACTUALLY ACCEPTED AND NOT SHOT DOWN BY THEM.

EACH OF THEIR SHOT IS GOLD. AND I WITNESSED THAT TODAY.

i cant believe they were so nice to let me try their camera. OH MY GOD 3200 ISO AND ITS ACTUALLY ACCEPTABLE. OMG, lester said its okay to shoot at that cause it ISNT TOO NOISY YET FOR THEIR CAMERAS! OH MY GOD. i could REALLY SHOOT HIGH APERTURES AT LOW LOW LOW LIGHTING WITHOUT ANY BLURRY SHOTS.

omg, it puts my 400d to shame :( i wish i have a body upgrade.

its been 3 years since i used nikon. i KINDA feel quite at home. MY GOD THEY USED MANUAL and i ACTUALLY TRIED PRESENT K WHITE BALANCE MODE FOR THE FIRST TIME.

i cant believe tata, brian and lester were so willing to let me go shoot. its as if they were not worried that i would screw up even though i have not used Nikon for SO LONG and i'm completely new to live photography.

if i could turn back time, i would kick myself in the balls and tell myself to get an effing grip of myself AND JUST SHOOT PROPER LIKE HOW I ALWAYS DO. WHO CARES IF IT IS NOT MY USUAL EQUIpMENT.. ITS ACTUALLY BETTER FOR CHRIST'S SAKE. JUST SHOOT DAMNIT SHOOT. cause all i did was be a goof and was SLIGHTLY timid. if i had my Canon, i would had been bold to shoot. and MY GOD, first time with PROPER FLASH SETTINGS. SO MUCH MORE TO THE REQUIREMENTS.

i wasnt really THAT nervous but i let myself get affected by the new environment. which sucks BIG TIME.

i really cant believe how supportive brian was. saying the shots were "impressive" when they are only 1/60 of what i usually achieve AND MORE IMPORTANTLY 1/100000 of what they shoot. i hope they'll still give me chance to shoot. watching them covering me up was wow cause they can shoot.

i thought tata was just in charged of the operation. MAN THAT DOOD CAN SHOOT.

i seriously have NO IDEA what i did to get such good karma. ESPECIALLY how NICE the clients were. i'm so grateful that my first live shoot was in a kind environment. and they actually respected and appreciated the shots! MY GOD, i'm amazed by how the livestudios doods could easily communicate with the clients. joke around and all. all i could think of is "OH MY GOD, THEY ARE GONNA TALK TO ME.. QUICK ACT SHY". and when the guests were talking to them, all i could do was to smile politely and all. i wish i was more strong in my posture, know what to do and how to react. and for God's sake, understand what they say.

well i didnt have to act shy, i was already shy as hell at that point in time. grinning silly and looking away when the lady prompted me to the dance floor.

i disliked how passive i was. unable to get what they were gonna do and try to help. but its okay? i'll learn and help 'em set up.

i swear i need GPS cause i ran to 5 places and finally found idontevenrecallwherethepartwas and had to call so many people up to check streetdirectory.

LIVE PHOTOGRAPHY IS A WHOLE NEW LEVEL.

handling printing, shooting expressions and all. i learnt so much. how live photography isnt about getting that 100% correct shot with sharpess and wow perfect lighting. its all about expression and the moment. then again, the livestudio dood are so good that their shots practically DO NOT NEED EDITTING.

i feel so powerless without my canon. YET the powerful camera nikon body and lens made me feel strong after a while cause my god, they tweaked the camera and Holy God..

OH AND they allowed us to eat their food. HOLY GOD. scallop. clams. shepherd's pie. lamp ETC ETC, it was holy.

if God and Fate permits, i'll show 'em what i'm made of. full force.

i'm thinking of whether to change my life. cause i cant speak the same frequency as the rest. and i dont think i'll even find happiness at this state... then again....

2009-12-14T21:05:00.006+08:00

i cant really think of what to say expect maybe tell that i'm ignoring some emotions cause i didnt let myself get into things deeply. ha take that! a history student that actually learns to judge repetition and avoiding the whole mess of viscous cycles.

ANYWAY, i cant believe this! EAThink camp is over. i thought i wouldnt really like it cause i was the only yj guy.. come to think of it, am i still a yjc-ian? BLAH who cares about status. i've been walking back in my school uniform but with the visitor pass. though that kinda shocked a few people and suggested that i was coming back? i think louis was stunned when he saw me?

gah i'm hungry, thats the hunger talking.

i cant pin point where to start so i'll go by the typical chronological order

DAY 1.

i guess i was a little overwhelmed by the amount of people there. some of them looked really old and i was naive enuff to assume them as jc people and get a little intimidated by size. well i have to say, SMU is really comfortable. and i'm pondering on if i wanna be in it? AHAHAHAHAH assume i get in. BUT i'm so glad to hear that some people were from POLY and actually made into smu. gpa + interview.. wait i think i only heard about one?

brendan said the NTU photography course is great. and i think christine said visual communications is real fun.

i'm quite glad to see the yj people though i'm a little sick of being the only guy. but wow, the ratio of guys to girls was 1:2. and most of them were vic jc doods. :/ should had persisted in dragging people in. ANN, IT AINT NO COOKING CAMP. AHHAHA

OH and i MUST SAY thank God there isnt any night trail shizzz. ESPECIALLY after bath time. i dont know how to manage my camera + the potential mess.

amazing race was kinda cool (omg, if i think about it, everything feeels so far away and somehow passed by REALLY quick cause looking back at the events, they feel distant) cause getting around town felt free.

SAME GROUP AS ANN! YAYE

i like the two faciliators. brendan and christine. funny duo. i still think brendan calling us awesome foursome is odd. AND brendan reminds me of joel from debate to the max. vibes flying in all directions.

a random note: the water bomb part was odd cause i only remember smashing 1 water bomb and the rest disappeared o.o

getting to shower at smu's gym was a comfort man. comfort camps ftw. but i shouldnt get used to it. who knows how bad ns can get.

well i didnt really let myself try talking to the guys cause what they say didnt register into my brain. (not that i have much luck with the yj girls anyway). but 1 guy did play a glee song.. but it was the thong song. night time = them playing cards and all. so i decided to sort my photos and rot to death.

thankfully, brendan needed help to buy uhh bean curd so i tagged along. it was nice though, talking to him. asking random questions, felt like i knew him better. talking about each other's condition, mental and physical. he was pretty open. WOW, he has been with his gf for FIVE YEARS. so cool!

well he's guidance was cool. and getting to go out at night pwns.

kinda interesting. he has that literature + partying club thing persona going on.

also, the speak nicole who dealt with eating disorder is very admirable!

DAY 2.

OH they went with the song that i heard carl sing before and was stuck in my head during the meeting on what songs to perform at the old folks home. somehow, someone suggested it at that moment too, so we did that "look over here, that girl over there" song.

OH sharing sessions with the facilitators was cool.

the silent game was odd. ruohan's stern spy loook was new. eh! i was part of the counting to 50 sec thing! though half the time i was looking for people and wasnt really concerned with the game :DDD

ruohan left early cause of malaysia trip :/ i saw this 25bucks elmo with TOES. OH MY ELMO. WITH TOES! EFFING ADORABLE! at the smu bazaar! wanted to pester ruohan to bring it back from me. but i only had 24 bucks and the elmo was 25 :( and i thought buying it and leaving my penniless was dangerous.

anyway, i dont have a picture of her spy look but i do have this:

chinese dancer wannabe

DAY 3.

well it wasnt much. just a day of performances by random people. we did some publicity around Catahy. was fun.

OMG HE WAS THE BEST GUY TO SHOOT EVER

this too.. if only he was an elmo.

anyway, photos on facebook. pretty much depicts what things were.

OMG, best thing to see when back from camp!

her appearance is a breath of fresh air.

hilary: i wouldnt know, because i didnt go to college so..
lopez: you didnt go to college? neither did i and we turned out all right!
hilary: *highfive* right!

satisfied with the shots from camp.

it was cool to see that my mum had tidied up my room when i was gone. wow, looks so spacious now! i hated seeing the mosquitoes still though. nice to see my parents, but dislike their nagging. OH MY GOD.

back from camp = editing 1k photos. catching up on twitter, tumblr, facebook, blogs, gamespot, joystiq and hilary duff. gah still have ign

KINDA in a loss now. camp withdrawal? HAHA thats what i get from being close with people. i saw something on facebook. never could have guessed? no wonder he asked me about my political views.

2009-12-10T20:47:00.006+08:00

first of all, GLEE SECTIONALS! god i thought it was yesterday. shit man. holidays really screw up my brain calender and body clock.

it was pretty decent. not as great as i thought it would be cause i rather they went with the regular old songs and not have the drama and needing new songs. oh but wth, Rachel's Don't Rain On My Parade was so theater and so gooooood. i wanted them to reuse their dance moves since their circumstances WOULD demand them to use what they known. but oh well, least they redid that in the end. omg so cute, especially the Push It and Say a Little Prayer for You reference.

thank God the ending didnt make me cry. almost kinda KINDA did.
and OH, when i heard emma was going to lead the Glee kids cause of what happen to will, i thought it would be those destiny calling scene since she's choosing between the wedding and will. then again, not everything has to be so melodramatic and happen at the last minute.

yesterday's photoshoot was good. thanks aidil for the opportunity.
making yz's gift with yuding and aidil was fun. shall blog and reveal when yanzhen comes back. OMG SHE BROUGHT ME AN ELMO? :D
good to see some people like charles, khair and ain in school yesterday.

some random rambles:
i'm not sure if 2.8 was the right choice. cause i sucked at f4 with all the shutter blur when at 30 shutter. :/ but then again 2.8 is like 1.5KG i'll shake anyway? but the f.28 could bring my shutter up to 100? and all i have to do is be really stable? then again, switching lens will kill me cause its so difficult. and i'll be self-conscious about bringing about such an expenive lens. i mean come on, $2888. or more. dont really wanna leech my dad.

i still need to improve on my low lighting skills. really bad. i threw away a lot of blur shots. from 1000+ shots to 200 clear ones :/ i think its time for flash. BUT ANYWAY, at least i had some GREAT shots. some that i always wanted! thank God for 11gb of memory.

another thing that bugged me was that. i have all the upgrades (i lack in filter and camera body) but i can roughly say i have the good lens. i see myself improving with each upgrade cause of the extra room of learning and reach it allows. what if i dont improve anymore once i upgrade the body? but then again, thats shallow thinking cause the camera body will have more and new complex features for me to learn and use to get greater shots. even the new 70-200mm lens have 2 IS options for me to get great panning shots. and 2 focus features for me to get different focuses. AND i'm not that good myself. AND i'm not exposed to enough different shoots yet.

i do hope i get better? i'll try fash and angles.

i just need to be realistic and tell myself that not every shot i made so far is gold. cause there's lucky shots at camera angles that i didnt really aim for and subjects appearing at new places that i didnt envision for. cause there's a lot of deleted shots before i get to that satisfied shots. cause i still need editing to save my butt on white balance and exposure.

also, i improve at every new environment. especially at China and Australia. omg.

camp tmr! photoshoots! hope it turns out goood.

yesterday's Jamaica Delegation Visit:

Glee:

5 group performances:
1. Don't Stop Believin' (the song that had me gripped onto Glee)
2. Somebody to Love (the clip preview i saw on youtube shook my WHOLE world when i realised Glee was actually getting BETTER. and they can actually top it off more than ever)
3. Keep Holding On (i LOVE the simple but powerful choreography and wow to the violin scene!
4. Proud Mary (my God! THE CHORUS was what i always hoped Glee to be!, ROLLLING ROLLING YEAH)
5. Jump (you have to admit the starting is VERY cute and they had fun!)

5 solo performances:
1. True Colours (tina's first PROPER noteworthy main lead! i consider it a solo since well Tina had 99% of it and i chose it because its by TINA)
2. I KISS A GIRL BY TINA FTW
3. RESPECT (had me laughing. MY GOD black sterotype)
4. Say a Little Prayer for You (COME ON! they made a soulful song into a bimbotic and hilarious one!)
5. Bust Your Window (MY GOD SO GROOVY AND FUN AND CATCHY)

as for Don't Rain On My Parade, i like how musical theatre it was and how unexpected the cheorgraphy was. the start was a blast and has that gripping destiny feel. going for it.
i quite like Papa Don't Preach, Sweet Caroline, Dancing with Myself and I Could Have Danced All Night

5 duet performances:
1. Defying Gravity (that song appeared when i was at the forkroads on deciding whether to quit college or not. and it moved me to tears. and plus, they did justice to the Wicked musical!)
2. Maybe This Time (i LOVE the transition between the two singers and powerful notes!)

i cant think of anymore?
i kinda like You Are The One? but its not really a duet?

5 most fun to watch:
1. Rehab (I SWEAR I KEEP REPLAYING IT IN MY HEAD)
2. Halo/Walking on Sunshine (SO GROOVY)
3. It's My Life / Confessions, Pt. II (OMG to the jump at the transition!)
as for 2. and 3. i heard the leak on youtube (low quality) and have been anticipating ever since
4. My Life Would Suck Without You (HAHA i love the flashbacks of dance moves! i was a little sad when i didnt see any famillar dance moves at the sectionals, judging by their circumstances i thought they would fall back on what they knew, but anyway having those at an other song works too!)
5. Cant Fight This Feeling (i cant think of anymore, and its playing on itunes shuffle so wth i'll put it here.)

ps. Push It had me real worried when i saw the preview cause i thought they were serious about it.
I Wanna Sex You Up was pretty good but the bald teacher at the start really irritates me.

5 moving performances
1. Defying Gravity (read deut)
2. Don't Stop Belevin' (read group performances)
3. On My Own (made my world turn real dark though. a good taste of theatre pop)
4. Somebody to Love (i waited 4 months to watch the REAL thing cause of a leak rehersal performance on youtube, Mercedes's solo part was OMG I WISH I CAN DO THAT. and when all of them went "find me somebody to love" was strong cause of Rachel's expression and the small little musical notes of "ehhh" was building up to something strong. and the ending when Rachel sang quicker than the rest in "Find Me.. Somebody.. Tooooo Love" was gold)
5. Keep Holding On (the focus on Quinn was strong)

2009-12-07T22:33:00.005+08:00

ALLRIGHT.

first of all, gotta thank dad for his sponsorship of my lens.. again! 70-200mm f 4 IS. THE LAST ONE LEFT! MWUAHAHAH! :D was lucky. and thanks for the camera bag! I LOVE IT. i think its perfect cause it has that slack loook as compared to my previous squarish camera bags. and i love its smell, though it'll fade away soon :/ material aint water proof so i'll bring along zip lock bag to throw my camera in and run.

i can finally put other stuff into it. like my ipod etc. more roomy cause its slacky bag.

and ps. i love dad's potato meal thing.

ALLRIGHT.

been working for my parents for the 2 days. mostly under mum. today. i went through 5 months of receipts to record down into the computer. i dreaded work for a moment there. but thank God for sleep, coffee and my ipod. its been a while since i can put songs on shuffle and listen to all of them!

i was hoping to wrap up work by 7.30 so i can go around shooting but gah, didnt make it in time. oh well. next time!

busy lately. feel sad for being unable to lunch with jia yin. ahhh long john silvers cravings.

maybe i dont know where they'll take me, gotta keep moving on moving on. fly away, breakaway (yes yes, kelly clarkson)

i'll just keep running and living my life. who cares where life will take me!

thanks ann and ruohan for the help for the camp photoshoot! cant wait! hope it turns out right!

2009-12-03T23:09:00.003+08:00

i thought i was past this agony but i'm still feeling it. ahhaa guess anxiety for the future is still there. oh well.

had movie with jing yee and jasper. hello christmas carol. swear that it should be nc 16. the death imagery can be quite strong. 3D! MAN we dont get to keeep the 3D glasses! i was too focused on the effects to take note of some parts. and god their accents are too strong.

but it was pretty good. quite charming. i'll pick up the novel soon.

HAHAHA ITS JING YEE'S FLAT'S TURN FOR RENOVATION! NOOO ELECTRICITY SUPPLY!

went to expo cause jasper needed to get his running pack. eh! Penguin classics book fair! so many books! NO IDEA what to buy.

seoul garden. glad that vic could join. had loads of laughter. glad to see them all again. omg foood. CHICKEN. ICE CREAM. SALAD. WHATNOT. OH MY GOD.

MAN ELMO COMES TO NORTH POINT ONLY AT 6 DEC.

hahahaa i'm rather tired. long story short. i had fun seeing them.

note to myself. i dont like the idea of needing to suffer in hell for the wrongs i've done. i rather spend the time making up to the ones that i hurt along the way or make it up to the people's loved ones. redemption. i mean, suffering for the crimes does no good anyway. thought from the christmas carol movie.

HAHA i actually find the grim repear funny thanks to conker and the simpsons.

my god, i flipped my contacts 5 times cause i couldnt figure which was left and right. i had it right the second time but i thought it was blur cause i dropped the contacts without knowing.

HAHHAHA victoria is ignored!

2009-12-02T20:49:00.003+08:00

7 photos! 7.77mb!

my god, i was temporarily blinded from shooting the lights. the one with the lizard was a luck shot cause i couldnt really see and was too focused on getting the settings right to avoid over exposure. thank God the lizard only moved after i had the settings right. i couldnt really see where it was.

streetlights, people. whooaaooohhh - don't stop believing by glee!

like carrying my camera in my bag as i go out. i thought about Veronica Mars for a moment there.

2009-12-02T01:27:00.003+08:00

i dont know whats up with today. its like everything and everyone was there for a reason. for me to figure stuff out.

i met mrs chen in the morning for the money thing. she passed me my result slips. i love the comments she gave. and aww, the parting blessing she gave had me grinning silly. she's awesome.

met with photography club juniors and some seniors for lunch. was brief and quick. but it was nice to see 'em all again.

finally brought my gloves! ready for weight lifting with her laang. soooo dead. :D

korean class is OVER! FINALLY. YES!

during the class, i had this feeling that i'll figure out the life i wanna have.
everything and everyone for a reason to be there for me today.

so many things occurred afer that.

my rant from tumblr:

OMG WHAT IS UP WITH TONIGHT

i was thinking of what course to take during korean class. and i figured out that i wanna pursue something of theatre cause i REALLY wanna do photo shoots of shows thanks to Wicked photo stills.

next thing i know it, i found a course in Singapore Poly. DIPLOMA PLUS. and jessica introduced me to the concept of Temasek poly’s certificate programme.. NOW I HAVE PSYCHOLOGY AS AN OPTION

omg, all my dreams are laid in front of me.. and they want me to.. CHOOSE.

at 10.00pm i FINALLY received a feedback from my clubsnap advertisement. but OMG FASHION PHOTOGRAPHY?! I CANT DO THAT. the standards are so chic.. AND ITS STREET FASHION.. singapore, fashion, street.. seriously? i need to hunt down the foreigners. so tough! imagine the skills and people it require!

i’m tempted to reject but omg, i’m rejecting my FIRST photo shoot?! isnt that kinda a jinx? god. its like, i waited 2 weeks for this, what if there’s no more?! maybe fate is ONLY giving me this chance.

and at dinner, i saw a commercial about Soweto Gospel Choir - African Spirit in Singapore! WHICH IS DAMN COOL cause i love their piece Baba Yetu, the one that Christopher Tin composed. i’ll really start to appreciate theatre and it’ll get me to pursue it more like figure out how the photographers snap and advertise it.

but i dont think i’ll be going since i cant think of anyone to go on the top of my head. WHY DOES THIS FEEL LIKE SIMS 3 NOW. with the opportunities and all.

right now, i’m having this faint feeling, if i dont go for this (its the start), i may lose the spark and upcoming churn of events towards that path.

oh my god.

but BLAH, i guess it has this once-in-a-lifetime feel and i should seize it. but i’m pondering. i do believe there’s chances in the future. maybe i’ll say yes to the Choir show but most probably no to the fashion one.

fashion? seriously?

anyway, i think i'll ditch the photo shoot. i'm sure more will come. i rather spend the time now consolidating what i wanna do for poly. my god, i'm finally getting to it. feels good cause i finally can register what they are saying for my course structure. it was oh so overwhelming previously.

listed some enquires for open house. might consider business for backup? anyway, i do think with all the extra modules i'll be quite safe.

the urge to find out. hmm theatre photography. magazine publication. architect. graphic designing. columnist. possibilities.

"and you wont be me down, bring me down whoaaaaohohhhhh" - defying gravity

its good that i'm not freaking out. thinking all chances will pass and go just like that, i'll catch other opportunities. i take some. miss some. oh well to the opportunity costs. my own pace. i'm still figuring out things anyway.

funny thing, i actually wanna consider the weird task of fashion photography cause i think the organisation will be become famous and all. guess i should get real. big bang once said "not for the money, not for the fame". i wont be happy doing the weird fashion task anyway. really REALLY weird to me. fashion is like some new world to me. not much interest but kinda respect it. i'll do what makes me happy. sensible happy, of course.

interested to go but ahh dont think i can get anyone to go with me. its pricey.

working with parents tmr!

indie music. sketch book. planning my future.
no rush no rush, figure it out.

2009-11-29T22:02:00.003+08:00

first of all,
I HAVE TUMBLR.

i forgot that i had an account. when ann created hers, i created one too. but she made her tumblr like as if it is a blogspot so i forgot about tumblr. nicole spammed her tumblr entries in tweet notifications which reminded me about it.

so here we go!

http://lettheworldwait.tumblr.com/

there is this VERY INDIE tone in Tumblr which resides in me somewhere but i cant seem to get it out. when you look at some of the photos, wow, i wish i could shoot like them. the style is so free. not those very commercial like. so expressive!

which makes me feel how life should be! all those small little details. coffee pickmeups at pavements. the lazy angle of the pen laying on a notebook. the small things in a street. the way it is. not calculated by the photographer of how tilting it slightly will make the photo stronger or something. yuding once said: "authentic!"

its this scrapbook, with soulful photos attached. all of these, makes me feel as if i'm a different world. times, i feel as if i'm in new york city, just like how it is in tv. and all the shots makes the image oh so much stronger.

one word: Polaroid.

chalk at the sidewalk.

also, having friends like elizabeth who joined the bandwagon is fun! cant believe she couldnt tell that was my tumblr until the elmo photos get overwhelming.

ANYWAY,

i FINALLY FINALLY get to meet jing yee! she hanged out at my house while we waited for victoria to finish whatever she's busy with. but vic ended up being late than the time we are suppose to meet. and we decided to call the sushi off since jing yee and i have our own plans at 5/ 6 ish. its okay! we have another date set out! jasper will be coming along too!

BUT it was fun.

1 episode each from:
himym season 2. chuck season 1. veronica mars season 1.

all episodes of glee (minus the hairography) covered. 2 full episodes. the rest were fast forwarded to the noteable parts like songs and all :D

aww, we didnt get to catch up much since we were watching the show. she shared a little about her life. i shared a little. its okay! MASS catch up soon! i had fun.

and HELLO MCDELIVERY. i swear to God, seaweed fries ftw! OH MY GOD, i swear x2 mcburgers NEED TO BE BIGGER. i finish 'em off too quickly. not happy about it.

pity that we didnt get to video game. AND OMG SHE DOESNT HAVE A PS2! AND DONT KNOW WHATS MARVEL ULTIMATE ALLIANCE 2 (AND OMG I CANT DOWNLOAD PSYCLOKE. STUPID US PSN STORE)! I CANT LEND HER PERSONA 3, FES and 4. NOT HAPPY. :OOOO

hope she had fun~

working for parents tmr. time to help out with office work!

2009-11-27T21:06:00.004+08:00

omg, just came back from a photo shoot with nicole. effing fun. its really nice to see her again after omg, 4 months?

i finally updated my bank book. gotta thank sagar, dew, anand and mrs chen for helping me get back the money. and thanks nicole for helping me update the book o.o

it was nice to catch up and hear about each other's troubles. life aint easy. but it was good having someone to share the burden with. poly does sound fun. i wonder what will i major in. and wonder how my school mates will be.

cathay at peninsula plaza was closed on a public holiday. and it RAINED. so we rotted at a sushi place. omg 40++ for sushi :DDD i cant resist. it was fun though. and omg 2 plates of JELLY. cant resist. i think jelly ice cream will be the coolest idea ever!

OMG, NICOLE LIKES TUNA SUSHI. AND THE WEIRD BEAN CURD DONT KNOW WHAT SUSHI. AND SHE NEVER TRIED THE RED OCTI AND ETC ETC ETC (EVEN SQUID) BEFORE.

WEIRD.

anyway, we ended up shooting at singapore river. omg. but i managed to get some shots. OMG NICOLE'S MACRO LENS IS AWESOME. i feel inclined to upgrade my zoom lens too. feel that my wide angle lens was totally worth it.

didnt feel so bad about spending so much cash today since i FINALLY got back my money.

i dont really think i'm THAT fun person that everyone hangs out with. yes i get high sometimes. but sometimes i'm mellow. and being around friends like nicole, i dont feel inclined to force myself to have to entertain people 24/7 just to keep them at a happy level for impression.

which is good.

and i woke up feeling angry today cause i went to sleep mad yesterday night. but i'm glad that i didnt feel that bad anymore after talking to nicole, so yaye!

its nice to slow down and wonder what subjects to take. observe the lighting. the angle. etc

cant wait to take on more photo shoots. client based i hope. soon?

had this new york feel again at night. was good. like the whole world didnt matter. my time. my pace. my life. my places to be at. thought about Greta.

its nice to come home after a photo shoot to the safety of my home with my parents for dinner. STEAMBOAT! YES. and the safety of my room to edit and reflect. best of all, its still early (7pm ish)

FINALLY BROUGHT THIS AFTER SO LONG! checked THREE places for it. and had to go back home to take more cash.

i know i know. its different from my whole RPG MAGIC scene. but i love harvest moon. and this version sounds like it has new depth!

2009-11-25T22:38:00.002+08:00

odd, this weird empty ISH feeling. i guess part of registers the whole not-in-college-anymore passively. and it isnt that bad since it IS the holidays. so i'm actually feeling okay ish?

HAHA i guess thats what i get for watching a Duff film. OMG GRETA IS OUT :D this morning, i was surprised that new moon was loaded. but OMG i was even more surprised by the release of Greta ANNNND Hilary Duff: Live At Gibson Amphitheater August 15th, 2007 (Live Nation Studios) is FINALLY RELEASED OMG AFTER TWO EFFING YEARS! THERE IS A GOD!

PURE LIVE I TELL YA.

and before all of these, i had a good dream.

dragon age origins dream!
odddly enuff elizabeth was a party member and we were trying to "get rid" of a king in a castle. then she was taken away. next thing we know it, the rest of the party have their families ordered to be wiped out. 2 families.
so we ran back and when i ran into my home it had that typical dragon age origin scene of "who goes there" by my uhh 'dad' and some dude who is sick in bed

soooooooo we ran with hound, same goes with the other family party member in the rain and through the fields. avoiding the guards.

then there was that "TONIGHT WE RENEW OURSELVES" and start all over again. dont stop running. reincarnation freedom feel.

then everyone else was caught, and :( this dude couldnt free 'em.

oh yeah, i fast forwarded to the vampire scenes for twilight new moon o.o

managed to finish all my cards for the people during the Greta movie. happy and relieved. thought it was gonna take ages. seriously, from 50++ cards to 30++ to now? 11. thanks aidil for giving 'em out!

i'm happy to have friends like anand, sagar and dew who persuaded me to tell mrs chen about the money thing. actually, they did the talking. glad that mrs chen is helping me. feel bad for troubling her.

the counselor texted me today, its nice to have her support. i do feel quite confident about things this morning.

11th Sc's Boogie Woogie:

i must admit, when i was with the 9th sc, i felt safe. happy and carefree. who cares about the future. but when things ended, it just feels like reality is back again. am i really gonna be different from everyone else there and go a different path? have different timezone? be the odd one out?

aww was hoping boogie woogie was in the hall. fun nonetheless. so glad to see everyone again, especially shubaa. long time no see.

oh well thats my life. chose it. aint looking back.

what am i gonna do from now? hahaha, time to get busy then. sam and yan zhen are going overseas, so i guess its time to be a little lonely. but i'm still perfectly fine, really. guess i gotta be strong and face the whole poly anxiety.

Defying Gravity.

I NEED DANCE MOVES FOR POLY!

imagine all of them graduating. and i'm still studying. its okay. hopefully i'll still be in good contact with them

THIS IS WRONG

omg mass tagging is the hardest shit on earth. they should just have a randomize button called SABOTAGE and tag everyone.

wonder if my family will be there for me.

life aint no musical.

ELMO IS COMING TO NORTHPOINT THIS DECEMBER!

2009-11-21T20:20:00.001+08:00

as much as the idea of virtual money sounds oh so easy for me. its an effing bad idea since i:

A) don't look at the price tag
B) spend like nobody's business without thinking
C) have unlimited wants and needs. scarcity, people, scarcity

went back to the Open House (yt). before that? had breakfast with sam and yanzhen. i still think that mc's breakfast is too simple and not filling :( this odd urge to eat salads. god, i'm not doing ANYTHING good to my voice and flu. it was 27.5 degrees when i woke up at 7am today. kick kick kick blanket. hello elmo?

it was nice catching up with sam and yanzhen. ny sounds ny. (random thought, my blog needs a face lift). random quirky comments as per normal.

sam: "my mum is nagger than ever. yanzhen, did she meet you or something?"

yt looks same old same old. new but same old same old NE boards placed around for the open house (kinda nicer though). surprised by the teachers still there, same old same old. gotta miss some of 'em. we met up with mariah. AHHA, was quite fun with her around. she stops doing the nose rubbing thing! and she still looks at my fringe when i talk!

WHY THE HECK did we request for a guided tour? least its by fasiha. nice to see the councillors around. :D

yanzhen's emo corner is now adorned by vines, flowers and leaves! AHAHAH. no more staring out into the "unknown 27"times a week. my god

omg, so glad to see my juniors again! AND WOW AT THEIR SHOTS :D and OMG WHY ARE THEY SHOWING MY OLD OLD OLD SHOTS. "hi, so these are our photo exhibition" - some new random photography junior. *GASP* THEY DONT KNOW ME. but seriously, their shots? AWESOME. and i'm so glad that i pulled in members at my era. so now they have more more more members :D replacement rates, people.

invited back to Boogie Woogie (so proud of that name). super hero? cyclops? zorro? i have my fencing blade :D i'll wear my mask then. cant wait to see 9th ytsc. miss 'em. hope they'll go.

had a hell of a long time before aidil comes and meet us. ogl interview. "what cartoon character do you want to be and why".. SERIOUSLY?

yanzhen was nice enuff to accompany me to the doctor. God, let me recover.. NOW. :/

decided to rot at northpoint. caught up more. HMM HMM. anyhoo, we went to popular to check out stuff and * REALLY DONT REMEMBER WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED HERE, DID WE SAY SMTH OR WALK TWDS SMTH?! * and next thing we knew it pei ying looked up (IN A SUPER ANIMATED WAY) and said HI and introduced us to the toys she was promoting.

super cool. pity, she isnt going for boogie woogie cause of work. but so glad to see her.

OMG NEW VIDEO GAME SHOP IN NORTHPOINT! MUST NOT BUY.

omg i spent $22 for sushi with yanzhen. 6 plates and 2 green tea. seriously? okay okay.. one red plate. BUT SO WORTH IT. omg to the red octi! (LOVE). i like random sushi moments.

by then, aidil finally appeared. and funny thing, while we were at long john we saw ain with her boyfriend! which i guess will be my future schoolmates at tp eh? turns out she's bringing her bf to the open house.. AHAH. omg we have not called each other "BESTFRIEND" for so long. ahaha, effing sam made that up. omg ain has to take 3 buses to tp too.

went back to yt again. omg. but i'm glad that i did, cause i took back my olvl coursework boards. will be goood for my poly education or interviews. miss tan is super nice as usual. cant forget the days when she tried to teach me to colour properly :D and i managed to convince her my perspective of going to poly. she was a little shocked and disapproved at first. persuasion!

anyhoo, too sick to go on. ran off. effing running nose. saw chin rong though.

glad to see everyone. times like these, makes the future look promising.

odd ipod playing Breaking Free. reminds me of sec 2.

2009-11-21T00:03:00.002+08:00

the look in your eyes when i said goodbye.

oddly enuff, no song mood today.

anyhoo, before fencing, i happen to see tereza and then charles. had a nice chat with them today. before this, i had a nice chat with samiare at the canteen. gonna miss 'em. then i saw sagar.

mrs chen is processing my withdrawal form. funny thing, she texted me "yes, i need not skin you alive now" when i said i passed up the withdrawal form in her locker and texted her. which later, she texted me and said the message was to sagar. and ahhaa upon chatting with sagar, i learnt that he still needs to pass up the travel declaration form. so i guess that explains a lot.

i went over to blade club for the very first time today. and maybe the last time ever. took my suits and all and sold them over. waiting for a buyer. getting cash on january ish! wow, the new russian coach is coool! fencing actually seems fun. HAHA, i had a couple of nice laugh with the exercises and things that occured. gonna miss 'em all.

i wonder what made me thought of selling my equipment. typically i'll go 'gah, whoc ares' and just keep them and collect dust. but now? hmm, least i kept my glove, mask and blade. kinda like those 3 pieces of equipment.

dinner with the fencers. was fun as usual. i kinda like the jokes they crack. kinda un-used to it since i'm english-medium and they throw chinese jokes. but it was fun nonetheless. gonna miss 'em. truth of dare as per normal. and as usual, i wasnt that spontaneous. ahahah gotta change that for poly. funny, i dont seem to get crazy yet with the fencers. ahaha time. jian hao is like nuts.

2009-11-18T14:24:00.000+08:00

its odd how my friends are going around saying "jarratt is not leaving" in a way of saying they dont want me to leave but it actually snowball in ppl thinking its real. ahahah funny people.

i finally looked through the syllabus for visual communications and it feels exicting. i do think i'll actually learn something.

talked to the counselor today

i guess i'll handle better in poly. wouldnt have survived this year without DW.

poly versus jc.
poly. i get daily work and CA for my GPA. of course there are semester papers.
but jc? what the heck, study all at one shot and i only have ONE CHANCE?!
i know i'll freak out. if i didnt have DW at the back of my head, i wouldnt have the courage to deal with promos.

and the idea of cross disciplinary modules really eases the whole OH MY GOD WHAT IF I DONT WANT TO DO PHOTOGRAPHY

and okay sure, JC is a direct route to uni. the painfully obvious way.
and poly is a little ambiguious, but i'll try and pick my courses proper and ensure i have a place just in case photography flops. night classes if desperate.

also, i need time to figure my life out. whether i really wanna do photography or not.
all these while, i wanted to quit school. especially since sec 2. fluncked all subs and wanted to leave for work. thinking i'll be hired easily.
all the pressure from academics deflected me to photography, making me think that that is what i wanna do for life.

now, without the pressure, i can slowly get to know it better and figure if i really want to do it.
and also, right now, i'm seeing the reality, getting a photography job aint easy.
and it beats being in jc illusioned saying i'm better off doing photography now.
i need the reality check by being in poly.

and also me being in jc is the whole prove-i-can-do-it-for-academics-and-defy-that-A-grade-shit thing.
and its meangingless. what comes after that?
and me following my friends here to yj doesnt sustain for me staying.

i dont quite care TOO MUCH about how safe my core poly subject will be since all i want to do is learn.
i'll figure out backups plans.

and also, for jc, yes, all i wanna do is learn the subjects. not do the entire effing exams that expects me to cram everything when it never works that way.

omg, poly? need new clothes and gonna buy a slim bag. and shit, Macbook.

the counselor said i'm self aware of my strength and weakness. and that i know thanks to blogging. and talking to her helped me a lot.

omg cant concentrate on pure math today. too many ppl asking about them going to poly. why i'm leaving. and ppl making plans to meet up.

at this time, its nice to hear my friends going how they value me despite us all being too busy to really meet up.
cant wait to meet up with some of them this friday and saturday :) it'll be good closure.

ruohan: "why are you starring at hilary duff in your phone? its so creepy"
jarratt: "you stare at big bang. FIVE OF THEM. FIVE"
ruohan: "thats different"

nice to see susu again, 5 minutes and she had me laughing for good.

2009-11-17T00:00:00.002+08:00

i can't quite get through today without quan yi, samiare and charles. thank God for their company :) hey! we promoted!

i'm done with Dragon Age Origins.

mixed feelings. i believed in morrigan but the forums point of views kinda influenced me a little. well i'll like to believe that she did not have any deceiving agendas. ah life.

poly?

2009-11-15T20:21:00.002+08:00

HOW AM I GOING TO PAY FOR MY BILLS IN DA FUICHA?!

was the thought rummaging through my mind lately.

i thought about it more and more on my way to meet her laang for gym.

while gyming, i thought things through.

dad wants me to stay till i actually finish alvls. safer.
mum wants me to stay till i actually get into poly or have thought through.

and for a moment there, i brought it. i felt like it was all a bad idea.

then i thought it through again (some help from yan zhen). so what if i dont get into visual communications. i can still interview my butt in. i have 4++ months to build on my portfolio and grow as a photographer.

and i actually brought the whole what if i change my mind and I'M SCREWED thought.

HOW CAN IT BE THE END?!

i'm just another typical student that chose poly like any other student who finished olvls. i'm no different. WHAT DEAD END. i have my ENTIRE LIFE AHEAD. i dont know how useful cross disciplinary subjects are BUT HELL, i'll take night classes about business if i am that worried about my future.

i dont give a f of how rigid singapore's education system is to the degree that me choosing poly equals cementing a path. i dont care about going back to college with all the things i said before. i'll just take it as if i never chose jc.

who cares if i wont be able to feed myself later on in life. i believe that if i take control now, make use of my 4 months of free time for exposure and experience. and my time in poly, i wont have to freak out later on. AND the future is SO FAR AWAY. i still have NS. sheesh. aint gonna worry for no shit. no cool yo.

"come on come on come on, what are you gonna do with your life?" - joey by bon jovi

2009-11-13T22:24:00.006+08:00

told miss low about me leaving and gosh was she startled.

but i'm quite glad that she gave me her blessings too. i like that moment when i talked to her. she sounded so sophisticated. mr ong asked me about things before i tried telling him.

mum has second thoughts. i have none.

one of the chinese teacher advised me to stay until i have successfully transferred to poly. and actually get into the course. but i cant seem to get myself to stay for long.

went out to buy gifts with shona. and omg we spent $150. i'm praying the fencers will really chip in. it was fun though. but we both were lost sheep and had a hard time finding our way. it was fun though, catching up with her. rained like mad. and took us ages to find a taxi.

i dont know why but she came up with the idea of new urban male. think it was cause of the 50% discount. but seriously? i feel so lost in the shop.

had to buy a shirt myself to get the 50% for seb's gift. SHUCKS, i picked the political one by mistake. the "shut up and sit down" one. shucks shucks. least it beats the "BOOMS" ones.

didnt go for fencing cause shona was late by an hour and i didnt have time to go home at get my equipment. hopefully i can join the fencers next friday for my last training? glee-ed while she was making her way here.

shona's cool and funnaye. serious!

i was making a point to shona about how i can be subconsciously selfish :D there were quite a few incidents. like holding the umbrella protecting my hair and bag while neglecting the gifts without knowing :D but while in the taxi, i found out i was wetting my own purchased shirt so i guess the point falls.

2009-11-11T21:16:00.010+08:00

leaving school means going without the skills that is relevant in the real world. dealing with people. knowing what it takes to get to university.

concepts of deficit in economics.
religious fundamentalism to explain why taliban etc etc god knows what it is about.
literature with all the skills for a deep epiphany and discovery.
and omg, finally taking pure mathematics next year. the dream. doing what i couldnt in olvls.

and hahaha i guess i'll still be quite clueless about the news if i dont know such facts from history and economics. maybe i'll never have that level of appreciation for literature without the guidance of the teachers.

but i guess i'm ready to give it all up.

me taking alvls was a way of combating that eff-ed up school system.

straight As for PSLE. guess what? weak As!

straight As (minus eng and chinese) for Olvls. guess what? A2!

straight As for alvls, no more excuses, I GET WHAT COURSE I WANT.

but im through with fighting that meaningless fight. so what if proved that i can conquer the academic world which i wasted in primary school and in my early years of secondary school? i dont get anything out of it but just mere personal satisfaction and with no where to really go.

with poly, i get both. personal satisfaction from photography and a place go.

WHY let myself be typical. go to university. take a course and find another job that doesnt suit me? i have a passion and i'm not wasting it away. WHO CARES if it isnt my ULTIMATE life time wish goal thing. right now, i love it. i'm doing good at it. i have more to learn. more things to do. its never ending. IT FEELS RIGHT. i did it for four years and i wanna keep going at it!

YES i'll struggle LIKE MAD being a photographer. with payment and all. and my spending lifestyle is INSANE. but hey, i'm starting early and i'm starting now. i'll struggle now and find my way out like what i always do. and see it through.

it feels right.

i'm not really street smart and i wanna build myself to be that too.

giving up the thrill of learning in college for something more practical. i guess my passion for photography cant be dragged on anymore and i have every intention in pursing it now.

yes i love the subjects i take. but i guess all these thrills are short term. and i wanna do something i love as much (or even more) and make a living out of it and go through with it for the rest of my life.

aint wanna be typical. aint wanna be too safe without proper reasons.

work attachment programmes. finding work on my own. build the resume. build the portfolio. more importantly, having the environment that have the equipment and guidance i need. handling clients. photoshoots. planning. executing dreams.

so hello poly. visual communications.

mum was cool about it. and so was mrs chen. and i'm glad that she gave me her blessing for me to do well. her full faith in me succeeding in both jc or poly is quite admirable.

right now, i need to tie up loose ends with the counselor, ensuring i have back up plans etc.

then its time.

i told quite a few people about to today. and their expressions were quite, well unexpected. quan yi, dew, shona, diana, danial etc etc etc. i know i'm in good terms with them, but seeing that change in expression, never really knew that i meant something to them.

its glad to know that. will definitely miss them.

and thank God i qualify for the cut off points. :) thanks.

i cant get myself to say goodbye to some people and i'll try to do a proper one before i leave. instead of telling their friends and hint them to tell them.

the faces. and places. voices. and noises. i'll miss 'em all.

BEST GLEE EPISODE EVER! gosh, Defying Gravity was moving. FINALLY TINA SINGS AND HAS A PROPER SCENE. and Sue's relevation was omg. FINALLY THEY SHOWED GLEE AFTER THREE EFFING WEEKS!

Defying Gravity.

met aidil for lunch today. oddly enuff, he's the only one who cant seem to get where i'm coming from, but its okay. i guess there's always doubts in plans. but i'm sure he'll support me still.

and no, i dont intend to MIA like lester to signal my leave. :D cause thats not cool.

Losing love - I guess I have lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost

- Defying Gravity (Glee)

cant say i wasted this year. learnt lots. met great friends and teachers. figured a good part of my life out. and didnt not succumb to heartaches! YES! took me a year to figure it out and its worth it!

thanks to all who caught my hints and talked me through it.

cause the world cant stay the same. and neither nor do i want my world to stay the same.

if the course isnt good. i'll make my sacrifice for good and worth it.

me:
@afrahh_ DITCH ALL FOR GLEE.

afrah:

@joyxsoul OMG, HDU! JUST WHEN I SAW THAT TWEET OF YOURS, MY FIREFOX CRASHED AND MY DOWNLOAD VANISHED.
me:
@afrahh_ OMG GLEE POWER GLEE POWER GLEE POWER :D (aww i'm SORRY~) :D

without this year, i wouldnt appreciate all that could and would come. or even choose that path in the first place.

2009-11-09T22:26:00.004+08:00

here we go!

just finished wrapping up a video for chin rong. aww if only i get to post it here. quite like it. chin rong' script is alwasy quite funnaye. acting is good. ruiling and sophie's parts were funny too.

surprised by how much i have done today. ppt and video. yaye!

have lit and econs to deal with =/

anyhoo.

i really like miss ng's lit lessons and it really REALLY makes me wanna stay. but omg, when i started reading the two new novels.. nothing sinks in o.o

trying to hold on to that feeing. maybe its an adventure. maybe its something else. cant quite feel much of it anymore.

all right, homework time.

toes are cold tonight thanks to the rain.
waking up for school at 910 is awesome

wish you were here. but I'll live with it.

i'm tired of being safe

2009-11-08T20:41:00.005+08:00

didnt get to gym with her laang today cause of stuff with chin rong. feeling a little sad about it cause with all those hours of dragon age origins, i ought to exercise a little.

anyhoo, I&R done and i'm quite proud of it. quite sophisticated.

anwyay, turns out, chin rong is in the same group as NEIGHBOUR. and i went over to her house to do a video for 'em. before that, chin rong was bored so we marvel-ultimate-alliance 2-ed, which reminds me that PSYLOCKE DLC IS OUT :DDDD

magneto looks kickass.

wow, neighbour's house and i are kinda very very very different. and i'm quite grateful for the things that i thought was by default there. same flat, different things.

OMG their script is so funny. had quite a laugh. HAHAH to the spraying of water. it failed like twice. and one of the girl (sophie?) had kids laughing at her. glad that i'm still able to frame my video stuff nicely, was brainless for a moment there, thank god sophie (?) gave me good tips. thanks to photography too. guess being constantly adept is important.

their pw group is cool.
but omg everyone was speaking in chinese expect for me.

fun nonetheless.

hotnomo. hmm, is it suppose to mean something? gosh, i feel a veronica mars running through my veins with me being sneaky and finding things out.

dinner at grams house, nice to see almost everyone there again. saw grams's video montage in china. corrine's dance kindergarten thing.

2009-11-08T00:32:00.004+08:00

OFFICIALLY ADDICTED TO DRAGON AGE ORIGINS FOR REAL!

HAHA anyway, before i blog about that,

yesterday:

two things,

my mum told me that there's another yjc girl in my block (no surprise, we live so damn close to school). i met her once in the lift during one stormy morning. she walked left, i walked right. yesterday, i saw her again. startled as usual, we went left and right.

AHHA during that conversational lesson thing where they teach us malay, she was there! i thought about her twice since then, and thank God i did cause i promised to film stuff for chin rong and if i didnt recall about her, i would had forgotten about it. o.o

cant wait to go up to her and go "NEIGHBOUR! I NEED NOTES"

anyhoo, most important thing ever:

met susu, FINALLY. and OH MY GOD. their group's OP slides are AMAZING.

heard great stories from her. mjc pwns. all those quotable quotes. ahahaha but i doubt i'll fit in there, i'm incapable of giving juicy "gossip" (i'm still fast forwarding to the hilary duff scenes in gossip girl)

well its good to know that she is doing great. laughed quite a fair bit. and i do miss seeing her annnnd more importantly, having someone to converse that well with.

today:

and omg to the dragon fight. took me off guard. thank God for Wynne's healing powers.

dragon age for 10 hours
slept for 2 hrs
went out with mum, saw jia yin.

this is the life.

plus we went through OP with the group, so it was constructive.

the calling: asian photography magazine
willy foo's photography for the cover of Asian Photography. wow.

2009-11-05T01:19:00.001+08:00

screwed up the screen shots, should had used Fraps from the start. anyhooo.

OH MY GOD. DRAGON AGE ORIGINS IS AWESOME.

school ended at 12.40 today cause history lecture was cancelled. so omg, i feel so alive. all i could think of was rushing home to play. annd keeping myself alive for econs lecture.

slept for 3 hrs. played for 3 hrs. now i'm gonna study. this is the life! kinda makes me miss my early primary school days and secondary school days.

my god, i thought school starts at 8 with the new timetable but i read it WRONGLY. so i've been "late" for the past 2 days. thankfully, mr sng didnt really have any lessons so i'm not really late since there's no lessons to begin with. PHEW.

and thank God nanthiniy pointed it out. cause tmr, the first lesson is econs lecture. aminah o.o

meeting su on friday, cant wait. missing goldfish quite a bit :/ shall pull her in soon.

2009-11-02T20:24:00.003+08:00

walked to school and saw fencers. had a nice chat with audrey (yeong) and veronica. pretty cool. its nice to see the fencers around.

MT alvls CHINESE. finally its over. and thank God it was easier than expected and miss luo was right about what was coming out. and its nice that i used the words i learnt from the textbook so i guess i did earn something from mother tongue.

god, thank God i used my paper 1 time to check the dictionary for words i'll use for paper 2 before surrendering the dictionary when paper 1 was over or i would be STUCK MAD thinking how to write basic words in paper 2.

OMG i remember the times when mum kept buying me the mickey mouse magazine and i only read the english part that has detective mystery solving :D

HAHA first i used scale, ruler, calculator, tracing, photoshop and protractor for paper 2 art. now this? :D

i saw the counselor and i figured out how to go about doing stuff. she gave me some directions and i'll share it with you guys once i actually tried it out. oh my god? school tomorrow. hello term "five".

veronica mars season 2. aww i used up all the download links left. so i guess i'll have to buy the dvd. well it was a sooner or later thing :D

i hope i win the photography competition. good resume material and i wanna give jia yin the d90. god her shots are holy.

grams havent been cooking (holiday) so its nice to spend time with mum.

before studying.

after studying.

AFTER PROMOS. AFTER MT ALVLS. OH MY GOD. SO MUCH NEATER CAUSE I GET TO PUT MY STUFF INTO THE CUPBOARD. bet all those people who saw my room never knew it is actually usable.

2009-10-31T17:00:00.010+08:00

OH MY GOD, this is like the 5th time blogger refused to load and i have to blog HOURS later.

yesterday's thoughts:

i gained an old friend, lost another one (actually, its A LOT OF THEM)

the fact is that, i've been staying on cause of my classmates. and now that i dont really know them anymore and that they have this horrible negative image of me which i dont see fit to fix it, so i guess its best to leave.

its like, them shunning away from me and i see the light kind of thing.

and to tell the truth, wow, their other side is really really hard to understand. and communication and justification with them is real hard and i guess they will forever think i'm wrong.

them being stress justifies the way they treat me?

logically:
what can i do with a literature degree, really? okay okay so i'm using mr sng as an example. but heck. i dont quite see a future. but i'm doing some research to ensure i'm making the right move.

and i've been contemplating for a year. i guess its time to talk about the calling.

also, doesnt matter if things get better with my friends anymore. cause i kinda learnt that i shouldnt rely on them for my life choices. and to tell the truth, i didnt really feel that i belonged with them for long.

and oh i'm not doing this out of stress cause i dont run away from alvls.

maybe i should had went to jia yin's celebration yesterday. but i may not have thought over this. and i guess if i go for quan yi's halloween thing, i'll forget about it too. thanks quan yi for listening a little.

funny how calm i am right now. guess it feels right? yesterday was nuts. and i'll never see them the same way ever again.

still, i think i should talk over with someone from yt. after they stop mia-ing and start replying. and truth is, approaching people about this (while being not so subtle) is difficult. and the other people are oblivious to see what is going on and try to relate.

the calm before the storm

i like to believe that i can do whatever i want when the music plays.
and it feels strong and calm with my friends in the vicinity.

surrounded by a sea of million and I'm occasionally alone. Least I know who I am. Thanks to Glee

oh well. everyone's leaving, so why not i too start leaving.

and i doubt i'll leave with much impact. if lester, a pierce captain and gp rep, can leave with people still not knowing he left, this guy who strives for low profile will get away easily.

and about yesterday, i learnt a hell lot about life. especially checking the WR notes before handing in.. omg. and standing on my own feet when people start deflecting away. and solving stuff.

will figure if i should make my move

i dont want my world to be typical. i kinda like how that HTC commerical potrays life. reminds me of New York City. on the go. meet ups. photoshoots. work. family. friends

2009-10-27T21:12:00.004+08:00

right now, a lot of things dont make sense. and i dont intend to question them.

anyway, WAP: livestudios! YES
maybe that will give some answers. hmm 15 dec ISH.

korean class. so lost. should had taken japanese class.

love in the elevator. wonder when is it my turn. alala.

i dont fee like i know some people anymore. dont see usual friends at usual spots for now. messages are flat and blunt. and i fell like i'm only good for being asked for help. and i feel like leaving school, but gah, right? my position doesnt matter anyway. i didnt do anything to any of you. i think such things usually happen in november since it keeps happening. so *shrugs*. funny how we pretend it doesnt happen.

Ponders

2009-10-26T22:14:00.003+08:00

can i just quit, disappear and start a new life?
like cut of all ties.
and i'll need no sleep. no obligations.
just photography, video games and maybe social work.

2009-10-26T18:29:00.001+08:00

where do we go from here?

i heard that lyrics from an advertisement in the veronica mars dvd. and.. I'M DONE WITH SEASON 1. OMG SO NICE. the finale was freaking exciting and i was on the edge of my seat going "NOOO OMGOMGMG PHEW AHH AGH"

thank God there's season 2? AHAHA i guess afrah's temptation of me watching veronica mars over devil may cry got to me. gosh DMC 4 is super.

! lester is starting work as an office boy! haha i cant help but wish for that when he told me about. and he gets to drive next year too! ahah i'll see how my life is in plan and how everything works out.

kinda sore from yesterday's gym. which is KINDA a nice feeling. since i have not been working out with her laang for 1 month thanks to promos. and yesterday was a good good workout.

i guess from all the chat with jia yin about poly (omg! we wasted 2 bucks on the elmo vending machine and we made a fool of ourselves at the yoshi vending machine!) anyway i kinda like poly life. and i think i could had done well if i went there. cause i would be doing something i believe i will want to stick to the rest of my life (well earlier on i would had overlooked magazine publications, but heck that, least i figured that out now).

i KNOW i aint doing THAT good for jc. fine, i have a 85% of actually failing hist. its clear. and just MAYBE my DW can pull me through. and i wont give up that easily. cause i kinda like studying. reading up and stuff. concepts. epiphany.

maybe i'm deluded.

i just want both sides. a balance of poly and jc. academics and photography (and magazine publications)

haha gah.

OH YES, i tried hunting down for mt papers in the library and they were either CLB or CLL or Chinese GP? wth. i saw mostly CLB papers. sign? sigh oh well. i'll try to find some papers to wack and level up.

then i'll look back and cant say i didnt try.

can someone care to explain why people actually like the lizard photograph from the shoot 2 days ago? and wow, to think i would had overlook it at that moment.

2009-10-24T23:00:00.002+08:00

had a photoshoot with jia yin. GOD I'M EFFING RUSTY. but i'm glad some shots turned out decent. went to the japanese cemetery that the school brought us a while ago for a mother tongue field trip. and guess what? lester's implcation of the location was correct. "hur hur"

finally took back my camera wife (CARMEN) from nicole.

Jarratt: "HOW ARE YOU?" *to the camera*
Nicole: "ohh i'm fine"
Jarratt: "Noooo not you."
Nicole: "you biyatch"

it was nice to catch up with jia yin. ahaha i KINDA wished i went for CCA BBQ. but gah tired. the photoshoot killed me a little. aint sure why i'm so tired. struggled a little getting back to my orignal settings. but i'm glad that i settled down with Carmen again :D

thanks jia yin for the choker!

HAHA omg we were both so tired. and the bus CRAWLED like nobody's business! and we were DYING for coke. my god. HELLO MCDONALDS. SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU.

brought devil may cry 4. omg FINALLY. been sims3-ing for the past 2 days. hell of a fun time. HAHA i wish Logic and Athletic was THAT easy to max out in real life.

OMG i took circle line for the first time! and jia yin showed me the wonderful scene of the MRT track tunnet through the emergency door! WHICH reminds me of those western subway track photos on deviantart! HAH aww but it was too dark and the door was TOO DIRTY to shoot proper. plus our reflections were in the way.

anyway, still had quite a bit of fun!

hot pot with parents again! cool :D

i'm so loving this song!

2009-10-23T17:27:00.012+08:00

OMG BLOGGER IS FINALLY LOADING.

Yesterday's shizz:

Give me Glee songs on shuffle and my life is complete.

Its funny, I like club music but I cant dance for nuts. Oh imagine a hard day of work and the surrealistic club music or electronic beats.

i'm so sorry (so sorry) but i love you (i love you more more)~ Lies by Big Bang

HAHA watching the old live videos of Big Bang makes me a little awed. I wish I could dance like that. Oh well. I love the live versions. The music breakdowns are awesome.

Gosh, why is blogger not loading again?

ANYWAY, I cant believe the school pulled it off. Canberra actually did go-kart in the carpark!

And wow, I guess the little bit of car racing gaming on my consoles did help a little cause it felt hell fluid during the ride. SURE, every time I have a dream of me stealing my parents’ car out for a ride, I always end up crashing into a tree or something. Hehe not this time~

But I wished I accelerated a hell more and went a “little” bit more faster. Aww, it was fun nonetheless. Wished we get to race. Omg Mario kart? AHHA

Reggae dancing was NOTHING reggae at all. Like come on, we did soulja boy?! And the dancing coach dude moved in some places which I thought was never physically possible. Maybe chicks can do it.. but guys? Oh god.

Celebrated samiare’s birthday. Quickie. GOSH she went home before tereza came with the cake! Well it was nice. Least the cake is still intact after hours. NO FAIR, tereza get to do BOWLING for the entire day. Sure charles and I are willing to switch dragon boating for bowling.. well not really, think dragon boat helps to bond the CTG further.

Well its nice to see everyone in school again. Students and teachers. Really do miss them. everyone back to their day to day shizz. Hi-s and bye-s. quick catchups. Random laughing fits. Effing fun.

I began to wonder what your thoughts were when you first came into my room. hah wished you were still around. But goodbyes have to be bid. (is that even a logical statement?) cant help but picture you looking around and trying to get it into your head or something. You should had said something. I find myself slipping. Wishing youre here. Trying to live your life to feel the presence.

CCA bbq tmr (photograpy yt). Having second thoughts about going. Kinda don’t wish to give up time with my mum cause its pizza night plus its all the way at east coast. Hopefully dragon boating will end early tomorrow and I’ll go over to her office and have it for lunch instead.
I’m quite worn out today. Oh well~ doesn’t help that my iPod is playing adam lambert’s cover of mad world.

TODAY:

we have an estimate of about 20 people in ur CTG and this is the whopping number of people who came. nonetheless, it was hell of a fun time.

yesterday night, the idea of cup stacking INSTEAD of dragon boating was OH SO seductive. but i guess all of us managed to find the energy to go for it.

guess what? the whole effing thing started at 10 when they told us to meet at 8. and i woke up at 710, freaked out, grabbed a taxi, rushed over to kallang sea sports center and was one of the early dudes. and everyone else came later. yes i reached on 8, on the dot.

i would had made it at 9++ if i walked AND could had saved my $22. stupid ERP charges.

i guess i'll be so much better if i had a car. but then again ERP charges are gonna make me go GAHHH GRAHHHH.

i miss the scenery from bintan camp. me sitting at the boat's edge. looking out to the sea as we transverse out into the blue sea. going into small little forested areas that reminds me of final fantasy. ahh love.

even dragon boating at bintain felt free cause of the wind. here? omg the buildings and everything. feels suffocating ISH and boring.

but hell, i had fun. and WOW i didnt know my arms could last that long. but i felt bad for losing momentum and making myself look bad. and gotta thank dew for his extra pair of old shoes or i would had to screw mine up. :D

SHIT unglamorous photos shot by nanthiniy. phew at least she didnt take a video of the dance part. the shots were mostly what dew was doing. and i did a horrible version of Nobody.

OH, we kept seeing dead fishes floating and we had to paddle them away. and nanthiniy pointed out that the dead fishes explained why lester had a dead fish in one of his kayaking trip. now we can scratch 'fish killer' from his list.

but seriously, omg the dead fishes.. speaking of fishies..

FISH AND CO with the CTG people. OMG FOR THE FIRST TIME. HAHA yeah yeah i'm slow. hmm i didnt taste the cheeese. well it was fun though, hearing the crap they get from their teachers. some stories were real funny.

well i'm tried so i figured its best to skip the yt photography bbq. photoshoot with jia yin tmr. there's fencing today and the text didnt get to dew and i. wth, for competition people? okay.

stuff are missing from fencing. and it wasnt what i hoped it to be. yeah the people are great. but its sad to see efforts evaporating into thin air when there. by effort i mean, trying to get the team together. communication.

and i just realised i'm horrible at communication when speaking in chinese. that coming from the fact that leeteng just called asking if i'm going for the cca bbq.

ANYHOO

Stay Cool Trailer! FINALLY.

WOW, didnt realise that i had a tan thanks to today until now. it somehow didnt occur to me that i'm capable of getting tanned since i figured bintan was the best it could get.

2009-10-21T03:38:00.016+08:00

by now, i guess i can go up to life and say "surprise me"

but life being life will continue to pull the rug off my feet when i'm feeling firm.

OKAY, so maybe i aint feeling the pain. but hell, its somewhere deep down. like some old scar just that the scab is being ripped off. but hey, old wounds, it'll heal. maybe right now i'm feeling "fine" ish cause i just had a good part of my life figured out. but anyway

guess right now, i could use some people to talk to. but then again, those people already
A) left the college.
B) didnt follow me to the college in the first place.

ha ha ha?

*shrugs* so i guess this blog is a way of talking to them without talking to them vis a vis cause bringing such topics up are inappropriate.

yeah another dood just told me about his departure from the college. okay i figured it out ages ago and i was sorta over it. but hey, pain always find its way to crawl back up, especially at this moment whereby i visualise the future with a much narrow perspective. but hey its not that bleak since good things have been appearing in my life recently.

haha the i-wish-i-didnt-know versus its-good-to-know-in-advance.

oh well. force a smile and find new directions.

i guess it isnt so bad now. there are still plenty of awesome people in the college to keep me staying. sure, i'll miss times with those who left. think about the teachers and students that are leaving, the numbers are a hell lot. especially in my class. come on, look back and count.

well i had those hurricane of emotions and thoughts but i dont see the need of noting them down now. sure, they are perfectly figured out in my head and could be that very reason to keep me going forever. but well maybe its not that sustainable to even point it out.

it'll blow ya away.

all i know is, life is gonna keep sweeping me off my feet. i'll lay there, lick my wounds and get back up soon. and see how tomorrow goes. still its sad that i didnt get as close to those who left as what things promised to be. well there's still the people around.

its just life's way of telling me that nothing last forever.

and try as may when everyone says they'll be in contact, lets be practical, its hard when the bonds arent formed in time.

:)

forever and always. love till eternity.

"maybe i'm desperate for a reason to believe" - you're the only place by nick lachey

kinda sad. i'm a selfish bastard that lives for happiness when selected people are around.

well thank God i'm calm right now.

its 3:50AM and dad isnt home yet.

so much left to say, but its okay.

things go about getting unnoticed. i do believe i'm not cut out to have that set of friends that sticks around for long. cause i'm the best at saying goodbye and wiping people off my life. hey, lets quit while we are ahead. and life is life.

lets look back at this moment 5 years later. maybe i'll feel differently.

HAHA i guess "i don't want my world to stay the same" and "what is it gonna take" sung by hilary duff will have some groove in me. and i kinda want my life to be shaped and turn out differently. i dont want no typical singaporean life. ruohan kept calling me 'typical' today after korean class. (today as in 4hours ago's today. its 4:05am now)

iPod is being kind to me. it played some sad songs but they didnt get to me cause of the slightly positive lyrics. and the song (from april) short hair by lee soo young is cool.

ps. never seen the video before. not liable for any irrelevant stuff.

we all need a little reminder.

whats yours?

bum bum bum bum bum bum bum~

lets try and live for the moment :D

2009-10-21T01:56:00.006+08:00

sometimes,

when i look at a cover of a photography magazine, i tell myself 'hey, i wish i had an article in it' or feature a photograph of mine. i'll be satisfied, no matter how small the feature will be. hell, i'll even scan it and blow it up to godzilla size and hang on my wall.

okay sure, i fetched 2 IN Magazine article (gratitude to damien's nudge) but its not enough. i wanna go global and fight for a piece of the pie SIDE BY SIDE with top notch photographers in magazines such as Practical Photography (thats my dream)

that magazine, is MY bible.

sports. fashion. wedding. street-life. wildlife. landscape. you name it! i wanna be a part of it all.

anyway, part of me wants to have my own magazine and be the editor. well, i would prefer working my way up though. from dude that holds the photographer's reflector and lens to a photographer to a columnist + photographer to creative director and finally editor.

i feel safe now. i'm 17 and i'm glad that i have a piece of my future figured out. how significant is this piece to my entire life? i dont know. but heck, i wanna try.

so i guess, i'm aiming at that university course i saw. annnnnnd maybe i'll find some opportunities for magazine coverage. also, keep shooting and build on good social links so i can pull in them for hiring if i ever find the courage and vission to start a magazine for photography.

PULSE.

hahaha imagine me writing the 'letter from the editor' :D

2009-10-20T00:30:00.007+08:00

Okayy so blogger is acting up again and I have half a mind about switching to Xanga just that I cant figure out how to change the .xanga address. And livejournal is nono cause I want my taggy box. And I might end up getting obsessed with tumblr like Nicole cause I’ve been saving A LOT of funny shit from tumblr.

ANYWAY

500 DAYS OF SUMMER WAS AWESOME LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. LOVE.

OMG it was sooooooooooooo good. I dont even know how to describe it. Thanks a billion to sim ai for getting us the tickets who Nicholas saw queuing up at the front part of the queue. And OMG I didn’t even know she was BEHIND us the movie the whole time.

I LOVE the soundtrack! I had a brief moment of groove from the song lyric “she’s got you high and you don’t even know it yet” by Mumm-ra. You Make My Dreams Come True by Hall & Oates was fun too. GOSH the music tied in SO WELL WITH the screen play.

I LOVE the ending. I FINALLY understood what Charles was saying. My gosh the movie was tight. Waiting 4 months for it was WORTH IT. Next up, When In Rome. CAUSE Kristen Bell is in it :D (LOVE)

I still kinda wanna be an architect thanks to 500 Days of Summer. but i think i'll settle for photography. HAHA well we’ll see.

OMG I LOVE THIS PART. especially since its the part whereby they started the whole "PENIS" shouting thing. WHICH nick and nanthiniy refused to try after the movie.

hey! it was not shown in the movie! do recall seeing it in the trailer. maybe i blinked?

OH MY ELMO. Ninja Gaiden Sigma 1 and Devil May Cry 4 for $35 EACH! YES. I’ll wait till I’m ACTUALLY done with my 6++ video games un-played.

WOW, water bottles in the form of coffee takeaway holders! Reminds me of the one that dad took for free from Terminal 3 which I LOVE and made me study like mad but didn’t bring to school cause it’ll spill. So buying a starbucks one tmr with nanthiniy and nick!

Nick kept pushing for an oversea getaway. I only want ROME or an island resort.
Veronica Mars Season 1 DVD, FINALLY! YES :D but I find more joy watching the downloaded one. Shucks. Such a juvenile. And I’m enjoying twittering again!

Weird, I’m getting this air of dead vibes. I think its cause of the beheaded cockroach last night. :/ and I was woken up by 6 people last minute. Out of which, 3 of them were AWESOME PEACEFUL CALM dreams. Oh well :D but nick woke me up at 6am (HE WAS STILL AWAKE AT THAT TIME) and pulled me out of a nightmare ish feel dream. God I feel awesome after the nap.

The cockroach wants revenge. NOT MY FAULT. I wanted to transport it out safely from my room with a container. it tried running and beheaded itself :/ And LESTER PROVIDED NO COMFORT AT ALL when the cockroach walked over my elmo and freaked me out. Well at least my elmo has a clean bath.

ANYWAY lester was being bored and tagged me a facebook note. Somehow “. Your CRUSH: She wasn't what i thought she was to be :(“ was kinda sad. Well I guess that’s life. But 500 days of summer made me super positive about love. DAMN I thought the movie was gonna break my heart. Thank God it didn’t. well back to topic, the internet shrinks us all.for good and for the worse.

WHY IS BLOGGER STILL NOT WORKING.

Omg I saw SO MANY ELMOS TODAY. Elmos in vending machines. Elmos in arcades. AND THAT ELMO BALLOON! WE MEET AGAIN :D

My iPod had problems with the song “she’s got you high” so I played “waking up in vegas” and had fun while walking to gramps house at night.

gotta start tuition corrine soon. aunt's request.

2009-10-16T00:39:00.004+08:00

Well Promos are FINALLY over. The baseline would be that I don’t really care what results I get cause I did my best and was hell consistent.

Anyhoo, had Seoul Garden with the SG peeps. OMG SO MUCH FUN. Laughed so much. Dissed the shit out of nick. Elizabeth’s a nice addition to the laughter. And omg first time in Seoul Garden, and i'm a noob. And first time with ice kachang. What the heck is so nice about eating ice..? and nanthiniy pwned nick to the max today.

I’ll kill myself if I ever see the photo of what sim ai did to me. Shit.

Didn’t manage to catch 500 days of summer. And oww I fell, shit and I thought I was perfectly stable when running on wet ground. I mean come on, possibility of nick versus me falling, who will? Wait, nick, cause of gravity? I DON’T KNOW, I don’t take physics.

All I care about now, is some time alone.

Some time to catch HIMYM (OMG 3 EPISODES BEHIND.. CARDINAL SIN)
Veronica Mars (cause Kristen Bell is love)
GLEE :D

And of course, video game the shit out until I don’t know myself anymore. Ogmogmggmo, so tempted to buy new games when I haven’t try the ones I brought over the days before promos.

AND OH, do my computer backing up, sort out my portfolio and songs and shows and whatnot.

Pondering about photography too. And mug for Chinese, GAH. Photoshoot with jia yin next sat!

Gamed the shit out of marvel ultimate alliance 2 just now :D I swear, solo with wolverine or storm is very possible and quite fun cause its risky.

I guess that’s all? Hahaa I had some stuff on my mind but I forgot. Woohoo, time to shove the notes and all one side.

I cant believe I wasted my time watching the episode where Hilary wasn’t in it.

Dragon Age Origins Character Creator Tool Demo! and of course, i created a dude that looks nothing like me :DD WHO CARES :D

been a few weeks since i went to grams house for daily dinner. welcomed back warmly. nice :)

2009-10-06T21:08:00.005+08:00

OMG WHERE DO I BEGIN?!

3 NEW GLEE SONGS (OMG WAITED SO LONG FOR IT)
HIMYM NEW EPISODE
HILARY DUFF FINALLY ON GOSSIP GIRL!

OMG and i have 2 overdue veronica mars episodes to watch.

anyway, had a good day today!
studied about 3hrs plus with nanthiniy and "nick" today. thanks to the coldish library and bright lights and the good solitary tables, ULTIMATE CONCENTRATION! DID SO MUCH

so happy to see my friends at the library! reminds me of yt's night study! left the school at 845pm :DD

HAHAH still have WR to do. ITS OKAY! GONNA DO IT! I HAVE GLEE SONGS!

while i was singing "YOU YOU YOU" nick (for god's know why) stick his butt to me and i ended up singing EW EW. which was quite funny. had a great time laughing off my SG and CTG and random yj yt people.

AND I STOLE AIN'S RESERVED PEANUT PANCAKE CAUSE SHE WASNT THERE :D i paid for it only to find out they ran out of it, so i persuaded the uncle to give me the reserved one since the unknown person wasnt there. turns out to be ain's.

OMG i wished nanthiniy and i found out about the HOLY library earlier!

she was hopeful when i said we can start at 3pm tmr and chiong! great!

thanks mum for covering dinner duty :D

BABE WE DON'T BACK DOWN!

omg thank God the provision shop still sells coffee!

2009-10-05T19:24:00.007+08:00

BIG GIANT ELMO BALLOON BURST RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME JUST WHEN I WANT TO TAKE A PHOTO OF IT.

anyway, i gotta rush to my grams house to take dinner for my parents real soon so i'll blog quick.

i like how my friends get me.

before morning assembly
terez and samiare: "we thought that person with the elmo balloon was you"

after morning assembly,
sagar (charles was there): "how does that make you feel?"
jarratt: "i feel quite sad.. OMG ITS THAT ELMO BALLOON AGAIN!"

and yu ding texted me about the balloon too!

i saw saw it a couple of times!

OMG lisa likes my chicken rice stall recommendation! usually she goes "EWW" at my food choices. i mean COME ON! 4 EGG YOLKS IN A HOLY MOON CAKE. you no like?

wow! mad rush with nanthiniy at the library today! 4 HOURS! covered a lot! gonna keep it up! would had woke up at 6.30pm from my nap usually and cover only 1/3 from what i did today. PRODUCT IVIE!

mr nair wrote a beautiful poem and read to us today:
"maybe God pricked his fingers on the edge of a star"
mid autumn + earthquake in indonesia

i think he said SMTH like this. love it nonetheless.

just now at 8:30pm
JoyxSwiftSoul~! | (le-jən-der-ē-rē) pər-soʊnə €: says:
*WHAT THE BUCK
The judges weren't blind. They were just deaf. says:
*OH YEAH
The judges weren't blind. They were just deaf. says:
*HE SAID
JoyxSwiftSoul~! | (le-jən-der-ē-rē) pər-soʊnə €: says:
*HAHAHA
The judges weren't blind. They were just deaf. says:
*OT
The judges weren't blind. They were just deaf. says:
*IT
The judges weren't blind. They were just deaf. says:
*SO I WATCHED IT
JoyxSwiftSoul~! | (le-jən-der-ē-rē) pər-soʊnə €: says:
*but i do think she's nervous
The judges weren't blind. They were just deaf. says:
*OMG
The judges weren't blind. They were just deaf. says:
*I thought you don't like WTB!!!
JoyxSwiftSoul~! | (le-jən-der-ē-rē) pər-soʊnə €: says:
*HAHA i saw the SELENA GOMEZ CANT SING
JoyxSwiftSoul~! | (le-jən-der-ē-rē) pər-soʊnə €: says:
*so i went there to give 1/5
JoyxSwiftSoul~! | (le-jən-der-ē-rē) pər-soʊnə €: says:
*then he just kept on talking
JoyxSwiftSoul~! | (le-jən-der-ē-rē) pər-soʊnə €: says:
*so i listened

2009-10-04T19:15:00.006+08:00

VERONICA MARS > ANY of lester's anime crush

gah! the server isnt letting me watch the second episode. its telling me to studaye. well i'm REALLY tempted to buy the DVD :D thanks a billion to "afrahh_" for finding the sites for me :D be sure to watch Glee!

i guess i've not warmed up proper to my blog yet. will take time. AND SINCE promos are almost over, i think i'll find the time to blog :D though i kinda miss my old blog and wish some entries to be here. making new memories eh?

on another note, yesterday night of "quick" gaming was absolutely brilliant :D i was fighting in Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 and i DONT KNOW WHY but everyone else DIED. EVEN WOLVERINE AND HE'S SUPPOSE TO HEAL FASTER. but he DIED. EFFING DIED. i was careless?

WELL THIS WONT HAPPEN IF YOU HAD CYCLOPS AND PSYLOCKE FOR THE ROOSTER WILL IT? NO! so HURRY UP WITH THE Downloadable Content!

storm was left and i was forced to face iron man, and then venom and goblin WITH HER... ALONE but it came out fine cause i made her levitate and spammed lightning like nobody's business. 80 damage aint that bad? but thankfully, i switched all the other powers to lightning (became 100 damage), up her Concentration skill and her power regenerated way way faster thanks to Focus.

so yeah! WON :D

her alternate costume! SWEET!

AND after watching some resident evil youtube videos, i figured i don't have the balls to go back to RE1 yet :DD AHAHAH. when the zombie was turning around (even with bad graphics) i was squealing in the inside. didn't help when lester was going "SEX" on msn.

fencing is gonna start soon. and its funny how i lost spark for it. so much for the "shall do footwork all the way until fencing starts again". ANYHOO. i wanna shoot photos for the upcoming competition :D (not that ANY of them are gonna be used for the school magazine, i think? blah)

i quite like the fencers. though now i can't face some of them like audrey who grins at me real bad JUST BECAUSE i said "WATERMELON" when they were discussing about.. *cough* i do like the dinner with jian hao, audrey, shona and jian wen. was nice. and when promos is done with, i don't mind joining them more.

omg, i just thought about my blade and its rusting after all the months of neglect.. and i still have not develop that 'killer intention" i'm still as blunt as usual. need to channel that persona. omg Persona! mitsuru uses epee?

we're so meant to be.

also, from the description by jian wen, the JC2s are wild. but they do sound like fun. whoa to the stuff they did. HAHA i'll never think about doing those things. (but i'll consider thanks to that new librarian. blood boils every time i think of him.) its like, they are all unified and so gelled.

anyway, Livestudios is hiring! i just need to think through and pluck enuff balls to send in my portfolio and kiss goodbye my sanity. but i'm overdue with a photoshoot with jia yin! Japanese Cemetry! omgogmg! so excited about the shots :D i think i'll shot a little bit more after Promos, consolidate my range of skills and email in. and do some background research. AND i do think if i shot well for the Cross Country, it might help :)

i want a husky! i need to stop dreaming about it. i'll name him Fenrir! hmm... Flynn? WAIT NO, that will be my son's name. i guess i'm done with the name Lawrence so my future dog can take it. i think i can spare one of my old elmos for chew toy. aww so cute. i'll give him my first elmo that became flat over the years. Lance is a nice name.

i love hotpot nights with my family while having Japan Hour (on channel news asia) at the background, makes me think as if i'm there now :D two weeks in a row.. OMG SALMON AND SQUID! i'm bound to lose more weight! skinny as hell. bad bad bad. gyming with her laang has been good. though i'm losing my discipline.

i miss my PSP, thats all i have to say. and my unopened and unplayed games are shrieking in pain. and it doesnt help that its kept under my study desk. :D

i wish my pencil was always sharp.

before studying.

after studying.

anyway, had billybombers with yu ding and yan zhen during september holiday, thought i should post em.

times like this, i feel safe in knowning what matters to me and what i want to do with my life.

2009-10-03T01:26:00.010+08:00

HAHA i know i know, this feels like ANOTHER How I Met Your Mother + Michael Buble's "Haven't Met You Yet" rip off.

and it is :D

can't seem to blog anymore in my old blog. so i guess a new change is due. changes are good?

i'm camping too much at my twitter so i guess my old blog was stagnant.

anyway i'm over a lot of things in my life and i did a pretty good damn job in moving on.

love life: ZERO

on another note, Livestudios is hiring photographers! i'm pondering.

loads of video games are releasing soon, and i kinda wanna get promos over with so i can immerse myself back into it again.

on the top of my head, i can't seem to figure what to note down. i mean come on, i have not blog for a while. my twitter is self-explanatory.

on another note, why is it that the michael buble original version of the CDs have nicer colours than the ones for the bonus-tracks. :/ god.